Hey childrens, This week in Things I Have Done to Injure Myself in Dramatic and Stupid Ways, I nearly got my arm chopped off. While I was trying to tuck my giant desk-sized coloring books behind the couch and the wall, I dropped them from too high up and the force made them slide a… More My Arm Almost Came Off and I Lived to Tell the Tale
Hey kids! Like pizza? Yes? Then I have some great news for you. There is one diet that you can be sure will have a profound effect on your body : THE PIZZA DIET. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. Pizza is there to nourish your body. I have compiled a list of the top 5 benefits of the… More Why The Pizza Diet Really Works
Are you a sad person? Is it because you microwaved your sponge? I know most of you cried out with resounding “YES!” to both those questions, so I’ll just cut to the chase. If for by some reason you answered “no” to the second question, which I know is highly unlikely, then I’m going to dispense… More Do Not Microwave Your Dirty Sponge or You Will be a Sad Person
Hey kids, Remember when I used to post songs I was listening to compulsively or the week? Yeah, me neither. It’s been so long and I’m probably still listening to the same songs. BUT let’s dive right in because I want to listen to all these songs again as soon as possible. Links are in the… More Songs That Make Me Feel Feelings and Think About Life and Stuff
Boss got you down with his latest fribble-frabble nonsense boss talk? “You’ve been 20 minutes late every day to work but still put down your overtime when you work 5 minutes passed close.” *ZOOM * YES AND? Your boss will be so taken back by your leadership skills, he’ll blankly stare at you (obviously impressed)… More “Yes And” Your Way to a Promotion*†!
This weekend I went to CANADA! I saw Niagara Falls, ate a Tim Horton’s donut, and bought checkered long johns with a workable buttflap. If you’re afraid of heights and/or horrible naturally-occurring deathtraps, then I don’t advise going to the falls. I also REALLY don’t advise going to tourist attraction, “Journey Behind the Falls.” In Journey Behind the Falls… More I WENT TO CANADA
I unintentionally joined a dating site and I already feel ashamed about it. I signed up originally to look at the format first hand, so I made my profile picture Enrico Palazzo (aka Frank Drebin from The Naked Gun) and answered all the questions with “singing the Star Spangled Banner.” Unfortunately, the admins quickly realized… More Ok Cupid