Ello.

I joined Ello today.

If you can get an invite, I recommend getting set up. It’s very calm and simple. Lots of breathing room.

You can comment but there are no “like” buttons or “favorites.” I write a lot of jokes and I get obsessed seeing responses, similar to being on stage telling a joke, getting the feedback of the audience.

On Ello there is none of that, which to my surprise is oddly calming. I don’t have to see that NO ONE likes a joke or get my ego inflated that one went really well. Always fleeting, regardless of the high or low.

It’s a lot easier on the brain. I’m excited to be a part of it. Find me @lokirby!

Let’s Talk about Me More

Although I talk about me all the time, I don’t talk really talk about ME. I started writing a post earlier but realized it was going to take some more time thinking it through* (*requires more concentration than being in front of the TV with cookie butter trying to write it for 6 hours).

I’m going to do a short series every so often of traits and quirks that I think are either funny or too stupid not to share. Don’t worry about Songs I Listen to Compulsively. I’ve been stuck on the same set of songs for a while now but I feel a change in the air.

Anyways, let’s get to it. Here are some things:

1) I recently realized that I hate everything in my wardrobe. A lot of people say this, but I pinpointed the issue. I love bright colorful things but wearing them isn’t how I want to express myself. If you haven’t picked up on it, I enjoy expressing myself in many mediums. I am currently working what I WANT to wear into my wardrobe. Read: Lots of black and lots of leather. Not like a biker. But in a “New Yorkers understand my affection for everything tight and black with some leather pants, hooray” mentality. It might seem obvious but I knew I wasn’t comfortable but I couldn’t figure out how I loved something so much and hate the way it made me feel.

2) I have two tattoos. The first one is a yellow rose as a tribute to my Nana who loved yellow roses. I’m thinking of adding more and making it a half sleeve. I would love a blue rose in the sleeve, as a nod to Twin Peaks/Fire Walk with Me. My second tattoo is of a U.F.O. and is a symbol of a lot of things. After I got out of a long relationship, I realized I didn’t really have my own identity left. I boarded myself up into my room and used the X-Files as a crutch. It was something I had for myself. Also, my Nana and Dad LOVED the X-Files and I remember them watching it (and me cowering in fear behind the recliner, peaking out to see what was happening on TV). It’s also a little homage to them and those times. It’s also my symbol for being weird. I get told I’m a little weirdo a lot. Thankfully, I am aware of it AND I don’t try to use it as my little niche thing. I don’t try and heighten in the make myself stand out more. It’s just me! And last but not least, it’s also a companionSHIP (get it?!) to my friend Ryan’s tattoo. He and I both got our U.F.O’s together, so it’s just a cool thing that they are totally different designs, but come from the same muse (X-FIles).

3) I once gave David Sedaris a typed story I wrote about the time I pissed into an almond jar while boxed in during traffic on the highway.

4) Yes, it’s true. I had to piss in the almond jar. It was either that or a Teddy Graham’s box.

5) When I go out for drinks, I have to suck my drink down within the first 2 minutes of ordering it. I don’t know why but I get antsy.

HEHE!

Fun!

Yay!

Clap!

Okay, it’s my bed time. K LOVE YOU BYE!

BlackMail

My mother has a video on her phone that she sent me. I do not get embarrassed easily. This past week one of my coworkers didn’t knock on the bathroom door and I fell off the toilet and onto my  hands and knees with my pants around my ankles trying to prevent her from coming in. Doesn’t shake me. 

But this video is from my cousin’s crazy awesome wedding. It was taken after I spent 45 minutes trying not to throw-up the 5 sparkling wines I threw back. My face was broken out in hives from wearing a dress made of what I can only assume now was cheesecloth and tulle. On top of the hives was a sheen (I think gel is more appropriate) of sweat, glistening with every light beam bouncing off it.  

I am screaming. I am jumping. I am ferociously vogueing (Paris is Burning, not Madonna) but with no purpose to my actions. My eyes are looking in two different directions. I’m slurring the words to “Love Shack” yet still maintaining a constant guttural sound like one I imagine Jane came to know in her days spent with Tarzan. 

Watching the video, I laughed so hard I peed my pajama capris. Tears pooled out of the corners of my eyes but I think that was more out of disappointment that I thought I was doing a GREAT job. Everyone was cheering and clapping. Yeah, Lo. No wonder everyone was clapping…there was a little monkey girl dancing for peanuts and one dollar bills! I like one dollar bills though. Keep thrown’ those. 

Somewhere inside, I think I secretly hope more videos and pictures come out to validate my existence of a truly absurd expression of human life. 

In other news, it’s Otis Redding’s birthday today. Watch this and be dreamy. 

Ok I love you <3

Hehehehe

Hi I haven’t blogged in forever because I’ve been listening to Otis Redding and hiding in my room. Did you know he died at 26? I thought he was 58 when he recorded “Cigarettes and Coffee.” I am an idiot. :)

Weekend from Planet Emotions

August has been busy and exciting as CRAP. This past weekend I felt like I barfed my soul out of my chest. I’m usually a tame version of myself when out in public but I lost it Friday and Saturday. On Sunday it felt like I was speaking five octaves lower than I normally do. I dumped a bunch of Alka-Seltzer down my throat and tried not to throw up at the Yanni concert.

It began at the Robyn concert which she started to play a string of her popular songs, starting with “Indestructible” followed by “Call Your Girlfriend” and “Dancing On My Own.” It was wild which everyone jumping up and down and screeching the lyrics, but once THIS song started everything got still. It’s been one of my favorite songs for a while, so I choked up a little when it started. I just had a moment of Holy shit, she’s right there and this is happening. I get to see this and have this moment. It was a little after the 2:23 mark of the song that the choked up turned into me burying my face into my hands and wailing. It was beyond what Queen Oprah calls “the ugly cry.” It was little kid sobbing at the grocery store because mom won’t buy the Lunchables.  *sobsobsobsob huuuugeeebreeeeaaattthhhiiiinn sobsobsob* 

After the concert we walked down into a bar with an 80’s cover band that played two more of my favorite songs (“Your Love” by The Outfield and “Kickstart My Heart” by Motley Crue). At that point I was on a high from Robyn that I danced like a maniac and did the Andy-Dufresne-standing-in-the-rain-pose while screaming to all the songs. If I didn’t go to bed that night I’d probably be still awake now. 

Saturday was my cousin’s wedding which was incredible. Same deal again. The music was fantastic and everyone was so happy to be together. I got a little too excited halfway through and had to put myself in timeout so I wouldn’t throw up. :)

What’s awesome is that both nights, strangers and family members alike came up to me and my friends saying how much they loved watching us dance and how they wanted to join. I was always a sidelines girl growing up so it meant a lot to me that I’ve come around to be someone that other people see and want to jump up and down and scream to Love Shack with.

***

IN OTHER NEWS:

Rejections. I’ve been submitting essays and lists here and there and the rejection letters I’ve been getting have said “we were about to use this but decided against it in the final round” or “this was extremely tempting but we’re going to pass.” It’s easier sometimes to be way off the mark because at least then you could blame it on so many different factors. When it’s so close to being accepted, you have to find that one little reason that made someone change their mind about it. At least I’m getting closer. 

 

OKAY IT’S NYQUIL TIME I LOVE YOU BYE. 

Songs I Listen to Compulsively: Episode 3

Three songs for EPISODE 3.

For the past week and a half, I’ve been playing THREE songs compulsively.
As always, YouTube clips are linked in the titles. LET’S GET TO IT. 

I Go to Sleep- Sia

Off her 2008 album “Some People Have Real Problems.” I first heard this song about a year ago and kept forgetting to download it. I’ve finally done that this week.
Rate of Play: Four times today.
WHY: It’s dreamy and depressing. The diction is almost non-existence but it fits. The kind of song you lay in bed and close your eyes to and roll around while lip syncing to it. At the beginning you’re mumbling sadly along with her and then before you know it you’re screeching to it in your car while running over pedestrians in the crosswalk.

One of the Boys-Katy Perry

From her first album of the same name. I ignored this song until last Saturday when I found the CD wedged between the seat of my car. I thought the intro was obnoxious and would skip it. OH HOW WRONG I WAS. I may have the vibrato of Scuttle (Lil’Nernaid [Little Mermaid]) 

Rate of Play: 3-6 times a day.  

WHY: “I swear maybe one day you’re gonna wanna make out with me.” The perils of being a little sister to an older brother. You’re permanently convinced you’re everyone’s  LITTLE SISTER FOREVER. Maybe no one will want to make out with you for the rest of your life because you’re dweeb. Am I right, little sisters? Shout out to my beloved Kelly T.   I also enjoy the drums in this song. 

Train in Vain- The Clash

Rate of Play: Twice a day for the rest of my life.

WHY: The intro riff makes some unknown chemical shoot down my spine and it forces me to blissfully flail around my room. Either that or it perfectly matches my heartbeat. IDK. SCIENCE.

 

BONUS

WTF Podcast with Marc Maron. Guest Mike Myers. 

You’ll want to sit in silence for the rest of the day. 

 

<3 KAY BAI

Prophetic Dreams

Maybe they aren’t prophetic dreams, but just some Law of Attraction type business going on.

Either way, the other night I had a dream that I was running away from someone who was trying to kill me. I was in a neighborhood trying to hide behind swing-sets and bushes and chairs. I wasn’t me though, I was an older actress who I’ve seen but could not figure out what her name was and what movies she was from.

I woke up irritated because I knew I couldn’t even cite a movie to try and look her up.
I got up, went downstairs and after a little bit I was on my laptop scrolling through Facebook. Late Night with Seth Meyers had posted a video of an interview with Paula Pell, who I think is one of the funniest and under-appreciated comedy writers in the free world. Paula had never down an interview like that with Seth before so I watched it. She talked about an upcoming movie she had written, starring Amy Poehler, Tina Fey, and a few other familiar names. The only name that wasn’t familiar was Dianne Wiest. So, being someone who needs to know everything all the time, I looked her up.

AND IT WAS THE ACTRESS THAT I BECAME IN MY DREAM.

I can’t help but think that in a parallel universe I AM DIANNE WIEST.

What do you think? What does it all mean?

<3Lo