Let’s Talk about Me More

Although I talk about me all the time, I don’t talk really talk about ME. I started writing a post earlier but realized it was going to take some more time thinking it through* (*requires more concentration than being in front of the TV with cookie butter trying to write it for 6 hours).

I’m going to do a short series every so often of traits and quirks that I think are either funny or too stupid not to share. Don’t worry about Songs I Listen to Compulsively. I’ve been stuck on the same set of songs for a while now but I feel a change in the air.

Anyways, let’s get to it. Here are some things:

1) I recently realized that I hate everything in my wardrobe. A lot of people say this, but I pinpointed the issue. I love bright colorful things but wearing them isn’t how I want to express myself. If you haven’t picked up on it, I enjoy expressing myself in many mediums. I am currently working what I WANT to wear into my wardrobe. Read: Lots of black and lots of leather. Not like a biker. But in a “New Yorkers understand my affection for everything tight and black with some leather pants, hooray” mentality. It might seem obvious but I knew I wasn’t comfortable but I couldn’t figure out how I loved something so much and hate the way it made me feel.

2) I have two tattoos. The first one is a yellow rose as a tribute to my Nana who loved yellow roses. I’m thinking of adding more and making it a half sleeve. I would love a blue rose in the sleeve, as a nod to Twin Peaks/Fire Walk with Me. My second tattoo is of a U.F.O. and is a symbol of a lot of things. After I got out of a long relationship, I realized I didn’t really have my own identity left. I boarded myself up into my room and used the X-Files as a crutch. It was something I had for myself. Also, my Nana and Dad LOVED the X-Files and I remember them watching it (and me cowering in fear behind the recliner, peaking out to see what was happening on TV). It’s also a little homage to them and those times. It’s also my symbol for being weird. I get told I’m a little weirdo a lot. Thankfully, I am aware of it AND I don’t try to use it as my little niche thing. I don’t try and heighten in the make myself stand out more. It’s just me! And last but not least, it’s also a companionSHIP (get it?!) to my friend Ryan’s tattoo. He and I both got our U.F.O’s together, so it’s just a cool thing that they are totally different designs, but come from the same muse (X-FIles).

3) I once gave David Sedaris a typed story I wrote about the time I pissed into an almond jar while boxed in during traffic on the highway.

4) Yes, it’s true. I had to piss in the almond jar. It was either that or a Teddy Graham’s box.

5) When I go out for drinks, I have to suck my drink down within the first 2 minutes of ordering it. I don’t know why but I get antsy.

HEHE!

Fun!

Yay!

Clap!

Okay, it’s my bed time. K LOVE YOU BYE!

BlackMail

My mother has a video on her phone that she sent me. I do not get embarrassed easily. This past week one of my coworkers didn’t knock on the bathroom door and I fell off the toilet and onto my  hands and knees with my pants around my ankles trying to prevent her from coming in. Doesn’t shake me. 

But this video is from my cousin’s crazy awesome wedding. It was taken after I spent 45 minutes trying not to throw-up the 5 sparkling wines I threw back. My face was broken out in hives from wearing a dress made of what I can only assume now was cheesecloth and tulle. On top of the hives was a sheen (I think gel is more appropriate) of sweat, glistening with every light beam bouncing off it.  

I am screaming. I am jumping. I am ferociously vogueing (Paris is Burning, not Madonna) but with no purpose to my actions. My eyes are looking in two different directions. I’m slurring the words to “Love Shack” yet still maintaining a constant guttural sound like one I imagine Jane came to know in her days spent with Tarzan. 

Watching the video, I laughed so hard I peed my pajama capris. Tears pooled out of the corners of my eyes but I think that was more out of disappointment that I thought I was doing a GREAT job. Everyone was cheering and clapping. Yeah, Lo. No wonder everyone was clapping…there was a little monkey girl dancing for peanuts and one dollar bills! I like one dollar bills though. Keep thrown’ those. 

Somewhere inside, I think I secretly hope more videos and pictures come out to validate my existence of a truly absurd expression of human life. 

In other news, it’s Otis Redding’s birthday today. Watch this and be dreamy. 

Ok I love you <3

Songs I Listen to Compulsively: Episode 3

Three songs for EPISODE 3.

For the past week and a half, I’ve been playing THREE songs compulsively.
As always, YouTube clips are linked in the titles. LET’S GET TO IT. 

I Go to Sleep- Sia

Off her 2008 album “Some People Have Real Problems.” I first heard this song about a year ago and kept forgetting to download it. I’ve finally done that this week.
Rate of Play: Four times today.
WHY: It’s dreamy and depressing. The diction is almost non-existence but it fits. The kind of song you lay in bed and close your eyes to and roll around while lip syncing to it. At the beginning you’re mumbling sadly along with her and then before you know it you’re screeching to it in your car while running over pedestrians in the crosswalk.

One of the Boys-Katy Perry

From her first album of the same name. I ignored this song until last Saturday when I found the CD wedged between the seat of my car. I thought the intro was obnoxious and would skip it. OH HOW WRONG I WAS. I may have the vibrato of Scuttle (Lil’Nernaid [Little Mermaid]) 

Rate of Play: 3-6 times a day.  

WHY: “I swear maybe one day you’re gonna wanna make out with me.” The perils of being a little sister to an older brother. You’re permanently convinced you’re everyone’s  LITTLE SISTER FOREVER. Maybe no one will want to make out with you for the rest of your life because you’re dweeb. Am I right, little sisters? Shout out to my beloved Kelly T.   I also enjoy the drums in this song. 

Train in Vain- The Clash

Rate of Play: Twice a day for the rest of my life.

WHY: The intro riff makes some unknown chemical shoot down my spine and it forces me to blissfully flail around my room. Either that or it perfectly matches my heartbeat. IDK. SCIENCE.

 

BONUS

WTF Podcast with Marc Maron. Guest Mike Myers. 

You’ll want to sit in silence for the rest of the day. 

 

<3 KAY BAI

Prophetic Dreams

Maybe they aren’t prophetic dreams, but just some Law of Attraction type business going on.

Either way, the other night I had a dream that I was running away from someone who was trying to kill me. I was in a neighborhood trying to hide behind swing-sets and bushes and chairs. I wasn’t me though, I was an older actress who I’ve seen but could not figure out what her name was and what movies she was from.

I woke up irritated because I knew I couldn’t even cite a movie to try and look her up.
I got up, went downstairs and after a little bit I was on my laptop scrolling through Facebook. Late Night with Seth Meyers had posted a video of an interview with Paula Pell, who I think is one of the funniest and under-appreciated comedy writers in the free world. Paula had never down an interview like that with Seth before so I watched it. She talked about an upcoming movie she had written, starring Amy Poehler, Tina Fey, and a few other familiar names. The only name that wasn’t familiar was Dianne Wiest. So, being someone who needs to know everything all the time, I looked her up.

AND IT WAS THE ACTRESS THAT I BECAME IN MY DREAM.

I can’t help but think that in a parallel universe I AM DIANNE WIEST.

What do you think? What does it all mean?

<3Lo

Songs I Listen to Compulsively: SPECIAL DEDICATION EDITION

Despite the poor execution, I do spend a lot of time figuring out which songs appear on Songs I Listen to Compulsively. HOWEVER, there are some songs/artsits I’ve been listening to that deserve their own recognition. Week to week I will listen to a handful of songs compulsively until I can’t listen to them until a few years later. 

But I decided I want to do Songs I Listen to Compulsively: SPECIAL DEDICATION EDITION so I can gush about songs and people I’ll forever be in love with.

This week the spotlight is on queen, mother, God: Alanis Morissette. 

In no particular order, here are the songs that I could listen to all day and lay in bed and cry and make up fake scenarios to day dream about to. :) 

Remember, you can click on the title of the song for a pop-up window of the YouTube video.

1) Tapes

Listening Status: Still new to me but I will listen to at least once a week until the day I die.

Why: “I’m too exhausting to be loved.” Amiright?

2) You Learn

Listening Status: Whenever it’s on the radio.

Why: “The fiiiireetrucks are COMING UP AROUND THE BEHHEEHEEEND.”

3) That I Would Be Good

Listening Status: Heavy listening in 2008. Will listen to whenever it comes on iTunes/Spotify or when wanting to warm up vocal chords for yodeling.

Why: That’s a muthafuckin’ flute in there.

4) Uninvited

Listening Status: Favorite song since 3rd grade me saw City of Angels.

Why: Cryptic lyrics and orchestra accompaniment. 

5) Princes Familiar 

Listening Status: I never listened to this one until I saw her in concert. Please tattoo the sheet music of it on my ass.

Why: Lyrics make me giggle.

 

OKAY! WE DID IT! ALANIS FOREVER!

<3 Lo

All or Nothing

 

An important person in your life dies, there’s a discomfort in their absence. Depending on how you deal with personal loss, it’s probably hard for you to imagine how you’ll function without them, like spending a weekend with someone – after they leave and you’re in your house by yourself and everything goes quiet.

But what happens when you experience the death of someone who was once a large part of your life?

I’m having conflicting emotions.

This weekend I found out someone who was once a very important part of my life passed away. He’s still important by way of forging the path of my dating life, a distinct honor I like the recognize for those who so bravely venture, but one that was brief and a very long time ago.

He was my very first “boyfriend”. First kiss. First crouched in the corner sobbing into my knees heartache.

We “dated” in middle school and transitioned into high school. We broke up at a school dance and I couldn’t listen to O-Town’s “All or Nothing” for a year. We remained friendly but over the years it dwindled as we grew up and went our separate ways.

I had always known he was sick, but just due to a pubescent child’s naiveté, I didn’t understand the severity of it. Even nearly a decade later though, when asked “did you hear about…” I instinctively knew what had happened. So many things I had forgotten suddenly resurfaced as I read his obituary. Names of family members and pets, dates, details of his personality.

The conflicting emotions come from partly realizing that I don’t really know that person anymore, that maybe I don’t have the right to be sad.  But I think that’s bullshit too. There’s an awkward space in me that is mourning an important figure in my timeline.

I’m down but the memories of trying to sabotage each other’s history projects or the time I was convinced to be an accomplice in killing our friend’s pet caterpillar brings the sweetest chuckle.

One of my favorite lines from queen mother Alanis, “I’m sad but I’m laughing.”

Rest in peace.

This Week: Songs I Listen to Compulsively, Episode 1

Every week or so I listen to a handful of the same songs over and over again. New, old, all genres.

This week’s picks are:

 

1) Cherish the Day- Sade

2) Anything Could Happen – Ellie Goulding

3) Play – David Banner

4) TIE! Come and Get It – Selena Gomez vs. Out of My League – Fitz and the Tantrums

5) ) Escape – Enrique Iglesias

 

 

HOKAY! We all know that I love all 7 minutes and 20 seconds of Sade’s No Ordinary Love BUT I’ve been listening to THIS compulsively. Click on the name for a pop-up window of the video.

CHERISH THE DAY – Sade

Rate of listening:  Once a day.

Why:  That guitar makes my insides feel like they are going to fall out and hunk will have to stuff them back in.

 

And then we have…

ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN – Ellie Goulding

Rate of listening: Four or more times a day.

Why: It’s catchy as frick. The piano part is punchy. I don’t listen to her other songs but I would brush this one’s butthole hair if it asked me.

 

Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

PLAY- David Banner 

Rate of listening: Twice a day.

Why: It makes me feel terribly uncomfortable, yet I still think it’s one of the funniest songs (intentionally or not) to ever be written.

 

COME AND GET IT – Selena Gomez  and OUT OF MY LEAGUE – Fitz and the Tantrums

Rate of listening: Varies between two and three.

Why: Both songs have been out for over a year and I’m just now listening to them. Come and Get It is pretty sexy and Out of My League is just a jaunty tune to swing your arms to.

 

AND DRUMROLL!

Escape- Enrique Iglesias

Rate of Listening: Three to five times a day.

Why: I forgot about this song until I heard it on the radio last week. I spent money adding this song to my collection. I NEED IT. Have you heard those high notes? It makes me clap my hands and stomp one foot in such a way that I move in a circle when I do. Movie magic.

 

Thus concludes Songs I Listen to Compulsively. Join me next week for a whole new batch of mediocre songs I don’t stop playing until I hate them forever. :)

 

BYE.

<3 Lo