I’m in Bed Already, God Bless America

It’s not even 10PM yet and I’m perfecting my nest. I’ve gathered my pillows and bits of hair and twigs that I can wrap myself in to keep warm. I was getting punchy there for a while so instead of using the $30 firming night cream I bought, I dumped a bunch of lavender massage oil in my hands and greased my face up. I’m feeling relaxed.

The downside to being in bed is now that I’m thirsty, trekking the 20ft to get the Brita filter seems unbearable. I could take the 10ft walk to the bathroom and use the tap water there but it’s been leaving red marks in the sink. At least I think that’s from the water but I have been flossing lately.

Anyways, I’m still hyped up on candy since Halloween. Everyday I treat myself to some leftover candy because I NEVER* treat myself! (*And the lie detector determined that was a lie).

Did I tell you I am in love with the guy who works at the gas station down the street from my house? I bet he likes candy too. I’m not sure if he has a girlfriend, wife, boyfriend, or husband but I imagine we would lay together in my nest and feed each other KitKats and Whoopers. The burger not the candy. I’ll let you know if I make any headway in Operation: Let’s Be Gross.

Today was weird. Was today weird for you? Tell me how it was weird for you. I want to know. You’re special to me.

K I love you, yellow looks nice on you.

Let’s Talk about Me More

Although I talk about me all the time, I don’t talk really talk about ME. I started writing a post earlier but realized it was going to take some more time thinking it through* (*requires more concentration than being in front of the TV with cookie butter trying to write it for 6 hours).

I’m going to do a short series every so often of traits and quirks that I think are either funny or too stupid not to share. Don’t worry about Songs I Listen to Compulsively. I’ve been stuck on the same set of songs for a while now but I feel a change in the air.

Anyways, let’s get to it. Here are some things:

1) I recently realized that I hate everything in my wardrobe. A lot of people say this, but I pinpointed the issue. I love bright colorful things but wearing them isn’t how I want to express myself. If you haven’t picked up on it, I enjoy expressing myself in many mediums. I am currently working what I WANT to wear into my wardrobe. Read: Lots of black and lots of leather. Not like a biker. But in a “New Yorkers understand my affection for everything tight and black with some leather pants, hooray” mentality. It might seem obvious but I knew I wasn’t comfortable but I couldn’t figure out how I loved something so much and hate the way it made me feel.

2) I have two tattoos. The first one is a yellow rose as a tribute to my Nana who loved yellow roses. I’m thinking of adding more and making it a half sleeve. I would love a blue rose in the sleeve, as a nod to Twin Peaks/Fire Walk with Me. My second tattoo is of a U.F.O. and is a symbol of a lot of things. After I got out of a long relationship, I realized I didn’t really have my own identity left. I boarded myself up into my room and used the X-Files as a crutch. It was something I had for myself. Also, my Nana and Dad LOVED the X-Files and I remember them watching it (and me cowering in fear behind the recliner, peaking out to see what was happening on TV). It’s also a little homage to them and those times. It’s also my symbol for being weird. I get told I’m a little weirdo a lot. Thankfully, I am aware of it AND I don’t try to use it as my little niche thing. I don’t try and heighten in the make myself stand out more. It’s just me! And last but not least, it’s also a companionSHIP (get it?!) to my friend Ryan’s tattoo. He and I both got our U.F.O’s together, so it’s just a cool thing that they are totally different designs, but come from the same muse (X-FIles).

3) I once gave David Sedaris a typed story I wrote about the time I pissed into an almond jar while boxed in during traffic on the highway.

4) Yes, it’s true. I had to piss in the almond jar. It was either that or a Teddy Graham’s box.

5) When I go out for drinks, I have to suck my drink down within the first 2 minutes of ordering it. I don’t know why but I get antsy.

HEHE!

Fun!

Yay!

Clap!

Okay, it’s my bed time. K LOVE YOU BYE!

BlackMail

My mother has a video on her phone that she sent me. I do not get embarrassed easily. This past week one of my coworkers didn’t knock on the bathroom door and I fell off the toilet and onto my  hands and knees with my pants around my ankles trying to prevent her from coming in. Doesn’t shake me. 

But this video is from my cousin’s crazy awesome wedding. It was taken after I spent 45 minutes trying not to throw-up the 5 sparkling wines I threw back. My face was broken out in hives from wearing a dress made of what I can only assume now was cheesecloth and tulle. On top of the hives was a sheen (I think gel is more appropriate) of sweat, glistening with every light beam bouncing off it.  

I am screaming. I am jumping. I am ferociously vogueing (Paris is Burning, not Madonna) but with no purpose to my actions. My eyes are looking in two different directions. I’m slurring the words to “Love Shack” yet still maintaining a constant guttural sound like one I imagine Jane came to know in her days spent with Tarzan. 

Watching the video, I laughed so hard I peed my pajama capris. Tears pooled out of the corners of my eyes but I think that was more out of disappointment that I thought I was doing a GREAT job. Everyone was cheering and clapping. Yeah, Lo. No wonder everyone was clapping…there was a little monkey girl dancing for peanuts and one dollar bills! I like one dollar bills though. Keep thrown’ those. 

Somewhere inside, I think I secretly hope more videos and pictures come out to validate my existence of a truly absurd expression of human life. 

In other news, it’s Otis Redding’s birthday today. Watch this and be dreamy. 

Ok I love you <3

Songs I Listen to Compulsively: Episode 3

Three songs for EPISODE 3.

For the past week and a half, I’ve been playing THREE songs compulsively.
As always, YouTube clips are linked in the titles. LET’S GET TO IT. 

I Go to Sleep- Sia

Off her 2008 album “Some People Have Real Problems.” I first heard this song about a year ago and kept forgetting to download it. I’ve finally done that this week.
Rate of Play: Four times today.
WHY: It’s dreamy and depressing. The diction is almost non-existence but it fits. The kind of song you lay in bed and close your eyes to and roll around while lip syncing to it. At the beginning you’re mumbling sadly along with her and then before you know it you’re screeching to it in your car while running over pedestrians in the crosswalk.

One of the Boys-Katy Perry

From her first album of the same name. I ignored this song until last Saturday when I found the CD wedged between the seat of my car. I thought the intro was obnoxious and would skip it. OH HOW WRONG I WAS. I may have the vibrato of Scuttle (Lil’Nernaid [Little Mermaid]) 

Rate of Play: 3-6 times a day.  

WHY: “I swear maybe one day you’re gonna wanna make out with me.” The perils of being a little sister to an older brother. You’re permanently convinced you’re everyone’s  LITTLE SISTER FOREVER. Maybe no one will want to make out with you for the rest of your life because you’re dweeb. Am I right, little sisters? Shout out to my beloved Kelly T.   I also enjoy the drums in this song. 

Train in Vain- The Clash

Rate of Play: Twice a day for the rest of my life.

WHY: The intro riff makes some unknown chemical shoot down my spine and it forces me to blissfully flail around my room. Either that or it perfectly matches my heartbeat. IDK. SCIENCE.

 

BONUS

WTF Podcast with Marc Maron. Guest Mike Myers. 

You’ll want to sit in silence for the rest of the day. 

 

<3 KAY BAI

This Week: Songs I Listen to Compulsively, Episode 1

Every week or so I listen to a handful of the same songs over and over again. New, old, all genres.

This week’s picks are:

 

1) Cherish the Day- Sade

2) Anything Could Happen – Ellie Goulding

3) Play – David Banner

4) TIE! Come and Get It – Selena Gomez vs. Out of My League – Fitz and the Tantrums

5) ) Escape – Enrique Iglesias

 

 

HOKAY! We all know that I love all 7 minutes and 20 seconds of Sade’s No Ordinary Love BUT I’ve been listening to THIS compulsively. Click on the name for a pop-up window of the video.

CHERISH THE DAY – Sade

Rate of listening:  Once a day.

Why:  That guitar makes my insides feel like they are going to fall out and hunk will have to stuff them back in.

 

And then we have…

ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN – Ellie Goulding

Rate of listening: Four or more times a day.

Why: It’s catchy as frick. The piano part is punchy. I don’t listen to her other songs but I would brush this one’s butthole hair if it asked me.

 

Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

PLAY- David Banner 

Rate of listening: Twice a day.

Why: It makes me feel terribly uncomfortable, yet I still think it’s one of the funniest songs (intentionally or not) to ever be written.

 

COME AND GET IT – Selena Gomez  and OUT OF MY LEAGUE – Fitz and the Tantrums

Rate of listening: Varies between two and three.

Why: Both songs have been out for over a year and I’m just now listening to them. Come and Get It is pretty sexy and Out of My League is just a jaunty tune to swing your arms to.

 

AND DRUMROLL!

Escape- Enrique Iglesias

Rate of Listening: Three to five times a day.

Why: I forgot about this song until I heard it on the radio last week. I spent money adding this song to my collection. I NEED IT. Have you heard those high notes? It makes me clap my hands and stomp one foot in such a way that I move in a circle when I do. Movie magic.

 

Thus concludes Songs I Listen to Compulsively. Join me next week for a whole new batch of mediocre songs I don’t stop playing until I hate them forever. :)

 

BYE.

<3 Lo

 

 

 

Pick up the nearest book and flip to page 29. What’s the first word that jumps off the page? Use this word as your springboard for inspiration. If you need a boost, Google the word and see what images appear, and then go from there. 

Day 14 in a 30 challenge that ended a month ago.

“Kool-Aid” from Moshe Kasher’s Kasher in the Rye.

I googled it to see where in the lineup a Family Guy reference would place but surprisingly it came up with the “Kool-Aid Killer” hanging in the top spot. He allegedly poisoned his wife with Kool-Aid and prescription medicine. I was more of a flavored milk girl than a fruity beverage gal myself.

Speaking of prescription medicine, I had to take oxyhoohaa when I got my wisdom teeth out and nearly suffocated myself in my cat’s fur in my delirium. It was traumatic for both of us. She has white fur so Kool-Aid would stain her indefinitely. My hair is kaka brown so when any attempt at dyed tips ended in a tint I’d like to market as bloody stool sample number 40.

I’m tired, rub my butt.

<3 Lo

 

 

Firteen

On day four, you wrote a post about losing something. Today, write about finding something.

Continuing on with the Writing 101 prompts. Day 13.

This week I found out that I love Kill Bill Vol. 1 & 2. I’ve been meaning to watch them and I finally got around to it. I had seen bits of Vol. 2 a couple years ago but I finally watched both straight through.

Today I found that I enjoy driving towards Lower Cape instead of driving back to Boston. Lower Cape eventually becomes a dead end unless there is a boat waiting for me at the tip of Provincetown that I wasn’t aware of. I had no purpose for driving that way but I was there and I was driving further and further away from home. I didn’t care. Well, I cared at first. When I started driving past the familiar turns and started noticing the turns that weren’t so familiar, I started to panic a little. Maybe I should put my GPS on. Maybe I should turn around and head back. Then I asked myself why? I wasn’t going to drive myself into the ocean. So I kept driving and it felt good. When I did have to turn around and head back home, I noticed I was feeling a little bit resentful. BUT I WANNA KEEP GOING. Will do some more soul searching to figure that one out.

In other news, I saw Randy from the show Say Yes to the Dress today while out and about on my adventures. It reminded me of how I want to be a starlet. Tehe.

ciao fluffanuttahs,

<3 Lo