Buy the Horse While You Can

As we pulled into the rock parking lot, I immediately noticed her hanging on the 50% off rack in front of the store.

The moment the car was in park, I kicked my door open and slammed it behind me as I bounded out. She gently swung back and forth in the breeze. Her brown hair shining in the sun.

The most beautiful plush horse backpack I ever saw.

Late for an appointment, I walked around the inside of the store a few times then waved goodbye to the backpack as I left. I’ll come back for you tomorrow. 

Normally, I don’t get hung up on material items, save for a few precious mementos. This was different. I couldn’t stop thinking about her for the rest of the night. She’ll be there when we go back. Who would buy a horse backpack? They had like a hundred turtle backpacks. The plush animal backpack market must really be taking a hit. Those turtles do look stupid though.

The next morning came and I shoved my mother out the door. As we pulled up the the shop, my mother quietly said,”Uh oh.” The racks that were on display the day before were not outside. When we got into the store, I sauntered around as to not seem too eager to demand to know where they kept their horse backpacks. My mother noticed I was hesitating, so she asked for me, like she has probably done  several hundred million times before in my shy little life.

The shop worker went to a back room and quickly came back. “Only turtles, sorry.”

My mom shot me a look, as I was eavesdropping behind a nearby jewelry stand. “Uh oh, Lauren. Don’t cry.”

I was upset but there are two key sentences that are guaranteed to get someone to cry when uttered. Those are “Are you okay?” and “Don’t cry.”

My throat tightened and I fiddled with some shitty non-horse related earrings. “I’m not. Look at these, aren’t they great?” distracting her from noticing that I was dying inside.

Still standing behind the jewelry rack, a grandmother and a little boy went up the cashier. “Do you have any more porch swings?” The deliverer of doom served some more bad news, “I’m sorry, we sold out yesterday.”

I was impressed that the little boy, who was maybe 7 years old, didn’t burst into tears like I was about to. His grandmother said, “Aw shucks, buddy. We’ll get one next time.” They left.

Alright, if he can handle not getting his seahorse shaped porch swing without making a scene, I can handle not getting a horse backpack that is uncomfortably out of my age range. You’re nearing 30, what are you going to do with a horse backpack anyway? Love it unconditionally more than any child who probably received it ever could? Yeah. You’re not even a “horse girl.” Haha horsegirl. What if I had hooves but was still a human? I couldn’t even zip the backpack. Maybe if I held it with my knees then used both hooves to pinch the zipper. What? Whatever, you shouldn’t have named her.

i’m growing to learn it’s harder when you name things that aren’t yours because you’ll get attached to it. I named the backpack Baby Hillary, after a fake character me and my friend created during a 9 hour road trip back from Canada. Hillary is a black mare who has a ‘tude-and-a-half and a penchant for sass. She’s kind of ass. When you’re music cuts out while your driving. Hillary. You can’t find your cellphone charger? Hillary. You spilled something on your shirt? It was Hillary.

Baby Hillary, though. She is an angel. She holds all your secrets and treasures and keeps them safe inside her heart/back/zipper. She listens to you and lets you brush her hair. What more could you want from a furry, inanimate, stuff-holder?

I tried looking Baby Hillary up online, and I found her, but it wasn’t the same. It felt cheap. I would only be satisfying the need of getting what I want physically, but it wouldn’t fill the void of having the REAL Baby Hillary. The one I saw and loved as she was.

I know we try and live with no regrets. It’s hard sometimes. If you see a plush horse backpack, tell him or her you love them. Bring them home and show them your things. There’s no embarrassment in expressing your feelings. That’s what we’re here for.

May you always have the wisdom and clear sight to see your Baby Hillary’s for the special one-of-kind stars in the sky that they are. Buy the horse while you can.

The Three Most Important Songs

Crapcakes this is a hard question. Day 3 of the Writing 101 prompt. 

What are the 3 most important songs to me and what do they mean to you?

I have a list in my phone of the songs I LOVE and are go-to songs for when I feel great or what I feel like shit. But thinking about what songs are most important to me is difficult. I might even come back and edit this post if I remember a song that’s significant.

1) Losing My Religion, R.E.M- This song has always been a favorite of my mom and I. I think of her when I hear it, but it has a deeper meaning for me. Before I knew she loved it, I heard it and thought it was a perfect song. I was a sensitive kid and it transferred over to being a sensitive teenager which transferred over to me being a sensitive, semi-functional pre-adult. I would say young adult but I found a couple white hairs the other day. I’ve been overdramatic and lovesick since the 1st grade and this song makes me flap my arms around and also crumble with sadness, which to me, is a perfect combination. 

2) Aerith’s Theme, Nobuo Uematsu- This song is the reason I begged for the violin I never played once I got it. My brother played the Final Fantasy games and I loved watching. I was first taken with Tifa’s theme in FFVII. As KaZaA and LimeWire infected our family GateWay moo-moo computer, I tried downloading Tifa’s theme and ended up getting the orchestrated version off the Advent Children soundtrack. Now that I had that song riddled with malware, I decided to downloaded ALL the songs off the Advent Children soundtrack. I heard Aerith’s Theme and it was game over. *silently stares at you* GET IT?! *snorts*. Sorry. But this song is nothing short of an emotional and spiritual experience. There’s a sweet sadness to it but also a crazy build that, as cliche as it sounds, makes my chest swell as the song grows. It also brought one of my great friends and I together. Sophomore year of college I had gone to the aquarium and taken video of all the fish and a big turtle. Back when I knew how to manipulate video on a PC, I edited the footage together and added Aerith’s Theme as the background music. I posted it to Facebook and my friend saw it (I’m not sure how, I think it was through a mutual friend and back then you friended EVERYONE on Facebook, regardless if you knew them or not). We started talking about our mutual love and Nobuo Uematsu and here we are, BUDS five years later. So, great song 143.

And yes, if you were wondering, I did get the game version of Tifa’s theme AND a piano version, for good measure. 

3) Crap, I don’t know! I only get 3? How about 5? Maybe 10? Fine, thanks for the Sophie’s Choice here, Daily Post.

The official # 3…

3) The Promise, When in Rome- This is a wildcard that may get changed if I realize I’ve made a horrible mistake. This is one of those songs that if I hear it at a restaurant or in a bar, I want to climb on a table and tell everyone to shut up because I want to hear it and cry. I love 80s pop songs along the same vein, e.g. Hold Me Now by the Thompson Twins and Head Over Heels by Tears for Fears, but this is the king of them all. I first heard it at the end of Napoleon Dynamite and I was shocked I hadn’t heard of it before then. Again, it’s sad yet has an upbeat, arm flailing, chest clenching rhythm. Every time I hear it, I get emotional and what to play it 300 more times. It’s on hear because god dammit, I love it, and that makes it important enough.


Honorable Mentions:

You Turn Me On, Joni Mitchell- I love singing to this song. It’s breezy and goes by way too quickly that I have to play it a few times in row to feel satisfied. 

The Twin Peaks Theme Song, Angelo Badalamenti- Over the winter I watched Twin Peaks for the first time. It’s adhered itself to my soul. 


I’m interested in seeing what other participants of Writing 101 say. Time to do some snooping on your blogs.

ciao, creepy crullers.

<3 Lo

PS. Please follow me on Twitter! I’m trying to get accepted on a humor website and I need 18 more followers to qualify! @LoloVonK.