Today as I sit at my desk, I am Montgomery Whiskers, Kitten-at-law. My friends call me Monty, but then again, I have no friends. My hard work pooping in my briefcase and throwing up behind the radiator has led to many of them behind bars at the Happy Tails Kennel, a maximum security facility. No blankets, no squeaky toys, no wet food. I hate to see them go, but it’s either them… or me. Tony Two-Paws was my most recent case. Caught trading nip to some little minx in the back alley behind the Fish Market. It’s a sick world out there, I’ll tell ya. But somebody’s gotta keep these streets clean. *slams clenched paw on desk, composes self, straightens necktie*

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