“No Thanks”

A rejected list! Not very original but it still makes me chortle.


Ungrateful Bitch (Other Things Bruno Mars Would Do For You)

Eat a pinecone for you.

Try not to gag when he looks at your mangled toes for you.

Pretend not to see that giant booger hanging out for your nose for you.

Delouse your ferrets for you.

Ignore that disgusting birthmark on your chin for you.

Inhale your pungent sausage pizza farts for you.

Pretend to enjoy Kim and Khloe Take Papua New Guinea for you.

Grin and bear 45 minutes of being in your mother’s presence for you.

Pretend he didn’t see that text from your ex-boyfriend for you.

Forget that he gave up grad school to watch your miniature chi-weenie full time while you tried to “find yourself” at community college, for you.


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