Rejected list. This one didn’t even get a critique.
List of Symptoms of Tattoo Remorse/Your Dad Dying
1) You wake up the day after thinking, “Oh shit” and “God, Whhhyy?!**”
2) You can’t stop crying, your pillow case begins to grow mold.
3) You try to reason with quantum physics. Similar to the hit movie, Christmas Every Day, starring Erik von Detten.
4) You stop exercising for up to 6 months to one year. “It hurts to much to leave the house” quickly turns to “Can we go to the Olive Garden?”
5) Your friends start to hate you. You needy, self-absorbed little shrew.
**Note: Typically followed by a stern fist shaking towards your dust-caked ceiling fan.