Meeting David Sedaris: Part Two

HELLO MY SOUR PATCH CHILDRENS. 

I won’t get into the details now, but I finally met David Sedaris. I’m pretty sure I willed the whole situation into existence, and it was amazing. There will be a big, fat, long, blog post about it tomorrow, but what you should know is it involved ice cream, bloody shanks, nudity, and rashes. All good things, except for maybe the rash part. I’ve been crying on and off for the past 24 hours, because when you look David Sedaris in the eyes, he looks straight into your soul. 

It’s like what people say about those spiritual moments, that if you speak about it to anyone, it loses it’s meaning and  power. Like when people see a deer taking a dump on the side of the road and think it’s God. The moment I got up to the table he (David, not the deer) was sitting at, I knelt down like a child and just stared up at him. He was perfect, and I was a beet red, rambling, lunatic with a little shitty essay in my hand that I waved around until he took it and placed it in his pocket.

He could have read it after, or used it to clot a freak nose bleed, but I don’t really care anymore (I’m lying). I did my part of the journey which included a few bouts of diarrhea and whole lot of telling myself I suck. 

Well, it’s off to play my XBOX and cry more. Tomorrow will be my big long post, yay!

 

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