Hey WordPressians! I think this post might be full of profanity, so buckle up barf-breaths!
Friday I went to roller derby tryouts and fell on my ass a whole bunch. By “a whole bunch” I mean a fuck-ton. That’s like a regular ton, but with each fall the “fuck” you scream as you land on your tail bone gets louder and more aggressive.
I can’t walk from all the squatting and skating and falling and dying, so I’ve been laying in bed with my cat, Maisy. She says hi.
In other news, I haven’t washed my sheets in a few weeks because I’m gross. Maisy says it smells like shit in here, so I’m thinking I might open a window and spray some Febreze on my bed until I can make it down to the laundry room.
I also bought a new notebook to write all my dysfunctions in. Here is a quote from Thursday, which I found to be a particularly raw moment. There was a lull at work.
Thursday: “I’m fucking dysfunctional today because I’m thirsty and it’s cold outside. I just want to fucking leave. I’m thirsty as fuck and I want an iced tea. I can’t wait to have a soda later but I’m irritated because glasses keep slipping of my goddamn face and my fucking hands are sticky, and I don’t even know why. I just want an Oreo smoothie and peace the fuck out and read a book and drink a coke.”
Charming and coherent. But I believe in the expelling of negative energy into a notebook before having a meltdown in public. I have my own minor internal tantrums, so it’s nice to get them out before I talk to you darlings (or before I drive my car through a Denny’s).
Until then kids, I hope you’re having a lovely weekend with your supple, non-bruised, sweet little asscheeks.
Wait you are trying out for Roller Derby? Did you make it? Good luck! Also make sure I’m not in the Denny’s when you drive through it.
Yes! and thank you! I won’t find out until later this week. OR I could purposely drive through the Denny’s you’re in and snatch the bacon off your plate when I drive by.
You might crash into my Denny’s and kill me, but you won’t get my bacon. You can have my pancakes though.
Only if they are chocolate chip.
Of course they are chocolate chip. Is there other kinds of pancakes?
Good point.