I Ate Recalled Food

It would certainly explain the face rash I’ve been blaming on spider bites.

I got an automated phone call from the grocery store the other day, saying the lettuce I bought was contaminated with a bacteria that has too many consonants smashed together to pronounce correctly. They didn’t say that verbatim but I could tell in that robot-demon’s electronic death voice, that that’s what she meant.

Lucky for me and my little knowledge of how things actually work, I eat a grotesque amount of yogurt. My point being is that those little invisible health soldiers that live in yogurt helped give me less diarrhea than normal and fight off whatever flesh eating disease I could have contracted. Or at least I haven’t noticed anything yet, I can’t really say I’ve look at my ass in a while. The face rash though, I just thought those spiders were suffering from famine and had to sacrifice dignity over necessity.

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