I’ve gotten into a horrible pattern of only getting 7 hours of sleep instead of my minimum requirement of uninterrupted, climate controlled, noise reduced 14 hours. I wake up every morning with my eyelids suctioned closed and my eye sockets sunken 2 inches deeper into my face bone.
I think it’s starting to affect my myriad self-diagnoses. One of those being exploding head syndrome. After some light Google and WebMd research, I found a WikiPedia article highlighting my major (and only) symptom that as been quite the affliction for a few years. In between the wake/sleep state right before fully falling asleep I hear a large BANG, or CRASH, or KABOOM. Literally, like a bomb going off. Naturally, I nearly shit my JCPenney microfiber snowmen sheets and wake up. It’s not dreaming because it sounds so real that it’s hard to tell if it really happened or not (and no, it’s not the nana in the upstairs apartment slamming her cane and bocce balls around. I CHECKED.)
I made the grand mistake of alerting my mother of my “symptom” and haven’t stopped receiving phone calls for the past 5 weeks. She wants me to try to holistic approach of rubbing tree bark on my arm pits and seeing a doctor who only prescribes remedies he concocts in the basement of his home office in the woods.
On the delirious side, I’m here to bring you quality content via blog post! How lucky are we to have such a moment.
Twitter jokes (@LoloVonK) has taken a backseat for a few weeks as I’ve been trying to turn tweets into blog posts, blog posts into essays, and essays into books. If I’m quiet there, it’s because I’m working my way up the stairs to scream from up on the rooftop.
Okay dears, back to being awoken in 10 minutes by the sound of a car playing the symbol with his fists made of explosives.
I love you, don’t forget to shut to stove off, BYE.