Me and My Guitar and Our Staircase of Brussel Sprouts

Hey kids!

This week in great and exciting news, I bought a guitar!

It’s nothing special but I have been polishing and kissing it every day. I’m surprised it didn’t arrive smashed into toothpicks. Although I shouldn’t say “arrived” considering UPS declared my address was not a real address in the world and I had to track it down and wait 2 hours in their UPS pick-up dungeon before finally getting it at 9PM. But I digress.

She’s a tart little telecaster and she loves me as much as I love her. She brushes my hair, she makes me oatmeal, and she tells me bedtime stories to soothe me to sleep. She was a little mad at me at first because I forgot to buy her a case because I’m a big dummy. “Well, as a beginner, you wouldn’t really know to buy one!” you say. But this is my third guitar so stop making excuses for me already.

Now to plug some apps that do not sponsor me but if they wanted to that would be hella cool but probably not because they’d be like “no one says hella anymore.” If you search for apps or videos, make sure you write “guitar lessons” and not “guitar lesions” because weird things come up that I have to live with now. If you need a strict learning plan like I do, because if I don’t practice every day I’ll forget I even have a guitar and go move to Canada without it, then I recommend getting a real, live, non-bot human teacher at least a couple of times a week to give you guitar lesions.  I mean lessons. I took lessons and I was HORRENDOUS at doing the homework because I would just play Em and be like “yep, I can strum it a bunch, now what?” and sit there and not challenge myself to learn anything else and then forget I have a guitar and move to Canada. BUT if you need something where you have to trick yourself into learning, then I suggest downloading Yousician on your phone or iPad. I would download it on my iPad but I have the original iPad so if I do anything beyond turning it on, it will explode. Anyways, there’s the free version which you only get so much time on every day and then there’s the version where you say “yes, I have a credit card, please charge it” and they do and then you get unlimited access. It’s a cool resource if you need pick yourself up by the guitar straps (see what I did there) and start playing within a day or so.

The past few days I’ve had some pretty terrible practice sessions on my guitar. Some days my brain and fingers connect and everything is happy but then some days my brain is screaming “PLAY a Dm! Play a Dm! GOD DAMMIT, PLAY IT!” but my fingers are like “You mean Am? How about just regular D? Are you sure you don’t want regular D?” and it’s a mess. I did see a video a while back from some guy trying to sell law of attraction stuff and he started talking about practicing and how we think it’s like an upward, ascending arrow on a graph. Just smooth sailing right on up! However, he pointed out that’s not really the case. Success and learning is more like a staircase. We’re going up, going up going up, and we’re peaking over the corner and BOOM plateau. We hang around the plateau for a while until we start climbing again and get a little spurt of inspiration then BOOM plateau again. It made a lot of sense but I still didn’t buy his product, sorry guy. At least I have more of a profound respect for stairs. The point being, that you may play for a while and not feel like you’re getting anywhere then KABOOM something will click and you’ll go onto your next phase of learning. Or some crap like that.

OKAY! Well enough of me clutching my guitar to my breast via blog post for one night.

Do you have any tales of dusty musical instruments you have stuffed in your closet? What did you play? Why? Do you still play? If no, why not? TELL ME IN THE COMMENTS!

I’m off to bed, have a great night, don’t forget to halve your brussel sprouts before blanching them! I LOVE YOU143 xox.

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