Well, this is a mess of words and thoughts.

I was driving home the other day and thinking about a musician I had met recently. I’ve been following her music for nearly a decade and will always take the opportunity to gush about how great I think she is. Having this moment to finally meet her meant I might not be able to look and listen to her music the same way as before. The curtain would be lifted and whether or not I liked what I saw could change a very significant and emotional part of my life and memories.

After her concert, I saw a little crowd form near the exit. I immediately stopped walking and realized she was out there greeting friends and fans. I’ve seen her a couple of times before and had never got the chance to meet her, so naturally, I began sweating and getting hives and preparing my awe-inspiring speech I would yell in her direction while making too intense eye contact. I recall another time I was meeting a “hero” of mine and of this caliber, so I was excited and worried.

A Side Note: A topic I’ve always written notes about but haven’t formed into a full essay or post is that I think it’s crap how we’re constantly told to wear our passions on our sleeves and be supportive of one another, but when we actually do that, it’s almost off-putting. If I like something you’re doing, whether it be your music, art, poetry, or comedy, I will not hesitate to share it everywhere and talk about it with you or with someone who I think will like it too. For this, I get the feeling that I give off an intrusive energy. Why do I get self-conscious if I “Like” all your posts on your Facebook wall?  Who gives a fuck, you’re funny or you have great music, what does a “Like” constitute in reality? If I like your band but I don’t know you too well, I’m still going to share the shit out of your music. Maybe it’s not even a reflection of me but more so the creator of the work has both and unconscious fear of success and an unconscious fear of failure. I know that I have both, the second someone compliments me I revert to imposter syndrome. Yet, if I do well,  then I start self-sabotaging saying well, “if I succeed at this, will I be able to follow-up with something even better or will I be a one-hit wonder?” Combined with my online presence, I get the feeling my audience (mostly friends and acquaintances) have a hard time separating my jokes and written personality from the real me. Those jokes are certainly an extension of me, as a very heightened version of myself, but for god’s sake if you think I can eat as many burritos as I say I do and as often, then I would’ve been dead 4 months ago. I digress.

Back to being excited and worried about meeting a living-hero of mine. The advice “don’t meet your heroes” is meant to capture and maintain a spark and sense of wonderment about something or someone you care for. Maintaining that thrill and mystery. But I’m starting to think that’s shitty. When you meet someone you admire and they turn out to suck, doesn’t that make you think “well, this shitty person made something that is great…maybe a good person like me can make something just as great or even better.” Same thing works for if your hero turns out to be everything you wished and more. Now you get to see this human with your naked eye and shake their real-life hand and demystify the fact that they might be different from you. You are then inspired by their ambition and perseverance to create something, perhaps even to honor them. Those are all pretty good scenarios either way.

So I met her. I got to tell her about the first time I saw her music and it’s importance to me. Someone might say it’s cliché but that person clearly did not read the paragraph about me seen above. She was different from the image I had held of her and I appreciate that I know that’s not a bad thing. It was sobering to see she was someone who gave all of herself over to composing and performing. She didn’t have laser beam eyes nor have a light emanating off her body with a 4 ft range.  I immediately started separating her from me again, as if we didn’t live on the same planet at the same time, with the same opportunities. It was refreshing to have to remind myself that everything I admire and appreciate in one form of another is attainable. Also, that if it weren’t for the family, friends, and fans who speak up and express what they like openly then we wouldn’t have all these nice things and people that we do. Tehe.

What a jumble of rants here, eh?

Tell me all your thoughts please, thanks bye.

 

3 Comments

  1. I’ve never met heroes, but on the other hand, I’ve never really tried. I’m fine just knowing them from a distance and quite honestly, there aren’t a whole lot that I would really care to meet, except maybe the ones that are introverts.

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