Gym Mouse

Hi PingPongs,

I haven’t been to the gym in two weeks and I feel like blob. I work in extremes, so when I’m not at the gym, I’m ripping my cabinets apart looking for a stale granola bar or a dry piece of pasta to gnaw on. As I mentioned previously, my roommate and I spent about $75 on ice cream in the past week and a half. This is after a three week stint of working out every day and drinking lots of juice that claims to be healthy but is more or less rotting my teeth out of my face.

Speaking of rotting teeth, I also found out I love the Snickers Squared Peanut Butter bars. I didn’t even know I liked Snickers. I blame the Easter Bunny. Any kind of chocolate that comes in an egg shape tastes 300x better than in its regular form. I’m sure there’s studies on this somewhere.

I’m not particularly fond of the new trend of drinking only liquids and working out four hours a day until your body is completely chiseled. I think I would be suited better for the 80s or 90s where my zero percent muscle tone was appreciated, even revered. I do feel gross when I don’t move around much though. My head gets foggy and I’m convinced my dyslexia triples in severity. Speaking is hard enough but when I’m sluggish and unfocused, I might as well just hang a little chalk board around my neck like the swan from The Trumpet of the Swan. Maybe I could just get a trumpet and do morse code with it. Again, extremes.

Even though my gym is in the same parking lot as my work, by the time 5pm rolls around I’m ready to go home and toss myself across my bed. I keep telling myself that I’ll get up early and go to the gym before work, but then I start thinking about how tired I might get throughout the day if I go too early. Then I don’t go after work because I figure I’ll go home and go to sleep to wake up early to go to the gym and it just goes on and on and long story short I should probably cancel my membership. They DO have TVs with basic cable and they have towel service so I’m essentially paying them to do laundry while I watch TV.

We’ll see what happens tomorrow. Maybe I’ll go and meet a hunk and he’ll carry me out to my car and buy me Snickers OR maybe the gym’s security personnel will escort me out and tell me to stop submitting requests for a new vending machine and also stealing the towels.

I don’t steal the towels but if they ever cross me, I KNOW I COULD.

Okay, I love you. smoochsmooch xox

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