My Corntree Steers of Thee

Last night I used my Jack LaLane Power Juicer for the first time in two years. Why do I have a Jack LaLane Power Juicer? Because I support alien-human hybrids by making their lives comfortable here on Earth so I will continue to support* Mr. LaLane (Sklarkpzzkol A-20 as he’s better known on his home planet) and his tracksuits by purchasing his products. *Disclaimer: Unless he does something real shitty then suck corkboard, Jack.

I stuffed a bunch of celery and carrots in the juicer even though with celery I know you’re pretty much just trying to get the flesh and stalk out of the way so you can drink the dirt caked on it directly. I’ve read from numerous sources that celery juice is used as a form of medicine to aid people with Crohn’s, Lyme, IBS, Lupus, and all the other fun ailments. I’ve been afflicted with mystery ailment for just under a year now and boy, would I try anything for one day of not getting vertigo and debilitating nausea. I’m no stranger to annoying illnesses (remember when I almost scratched my eyes out?) but my quality of life plummeted and I dropped about 35 pounds at warp speed.

BUT THEN…I woke up today and didn’t feel like dying. I went to work and didn’t feel like dying. I ate food and didn’t feel like dying. I went out in public and didn’t feel like dying. This was the first day that has happened. It was the best. Is it the juice? IDK, IS IT? I made it again tonight so we’ll see how tomorrow goes. Unfortunately, there are some other things going on tomorrow.


It started to hit me when I laid down in bed. I nuzzled my face into my pillow and cried off the rest of the mascara I did a bad job of removing. Dramatic? Probably. Justified?  I think so.

To lighten to mood, or ruin it further (depending on how you feel about it), here’s a song I forgot existed and now have to listen to it until I hate it. I just watched the  music video and then listened to it three more times before I finished that last sentence.

I’m tired now and must wait until my hypnopompic state in the morning to see if it’s going to be a good day to be alive. This morning during that stage, before I knew if I felt good or not, I rolled over and heard my inner voice refer to me as a “little piece of toast” flipping over. I’ll take what I can get, even if it’s from myself.   The hypnopompic state is when I usually get any “messages” or weird predictions. Look it up, it’s way more common than it sounds (although, I personally find a lot of people report hypnagogia more.) Anyways, snooze time.

okay I love you goodnight

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s