General Complaints, Questions, and Other Things

I’m waiting for my nails to dry so I don’t stick to my bedsheets so here are some thoughts I’m having while I lie here on my mound of stuffed animals.

  • I guess people don’t “lay” down, they “lie” down. My chiropractor informed me of  this during one appointment and I thought he was full of shit until I looked it up. I mean, one of my final papers as an English major was on the music in Hey Arnold so I’m no hero but I thought for sure I was using lay vs lie correctly. So, there it is. Objects can lay but people lie. I didn’t mean for that to sound depressing but I’m typing on my iPad with one finger tapping away so moving on.
  • I think it’s weird that Instagram doesn’t have the app formatted for the iPad or other tablets. Has anyone gotten to the bottom of this? I have the first generation iPad and, although it can store pictures, it does not have the camera. That iPad also became obslete about five operating systems ago and now the new iPads can fucking tell you how to live your life and give you therapy sessions over it too. I don’t know what that even means but, again, one finger. I should mention I’m not using that iPad now as it’s taking a nap forever while I use the first generation mini because they were basically giving them away at the AT&T store.
  • Can new mattresses be flipped? I don’t think they can because most of them are designed with the padded tops now. Although I enjoy the cushiness of a pillowtop, I’d also like to get out of bed in the morning without having to use a ladder to climb from my Lauren-sized divet I’ve created in the middle of the mattress.
  • I’ve been tapping with my finger for about 20min and my nails still aren’t dry and I’ve become incredibly thirsty. That sentence feels like a “Captains Log” entry documenting my final days as a millennial trapped in some incredibly convenient scenario which I have completely disregarded as anything but trash. I will also never refer to myself as a millennial again so take a picture while it lasts before I delete this post* (*or forget about it entirely.)


Okay, enough taps. 143xoxo smooch bye

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