FOURDEEN

Pick up the nearest book and flip to page 29. What’s the first word that jumps off the page? Use this word as your springboard for inspiration. If you need a boost, Google the word and see what images appear, and then go from there. 

Day 14 in a 30 challenge that ended a month ago.

“Kool-Aid” from Moshe Kasher’s Kasher in the Rye.

I googled it to see where in the lineup a Family Guy reference would place but surprisingly it came up with the “Kool-Aid Killer” hanging in the top spot. He allegedly poisoned his wife with Kool-Aid and prescription medicine. I was more of a flavored milk girl than a fruity beverage gal myself.

Speaking of prescription medicine, I had to take oxyhoohaa when I got my wisdom teeth out and nearly suffocated myself in my cat’s fur in my delirium. It was traumatic for both of us. She has white fur so Kool-Aid would stain her indefinitely. My hair is kaka brown so when any attempt at dyed tips ended in a tint I’d like to market as bloody stool sample number 40.

I’m tired, rub my butt.

❤ Lo

 

 

Interesting People

Who’s the most interesting person (or people) you’ve met this year?

Day 6 of the Writing 101 challenge which I’ve so far neglected like my Tamagotchi cat, Whiskers. 

It’s halfway through 2014 and I’ve made a lot of big changes in my life. New apartment, new job, switched from diapers to Pull-Ups. 

To answer the question, the first person to pop up for me I technically met in 2013. SO now that that’s scrapped, the second person or people I think of are all of my neighbors in the apartment building complex I live in. There are about 10 townhouses with 8-10 individual apartments inside each. From walking around in the parking lot to existing in my room, I have a weird Polaroid-type concept of each person that shares the same general space as me.

There are the people who bang things around upstairs at 1:30 in the morning (why? they are elderly, what are they doing up there?), the people who let their smalls children run around the parking lot unsupervised (WATCH OUT FOR THAT CAR! and I don’t even like kids, yeesh), and the tenants that take everyone else’s mail (I really wanted those China Palace coupons). Everyone is either very friendly and willing to stop to chat or they will avoid eye-contact with you and slam their doors behind them. 

I love living here and I’ve made it a sick game of making up backstories for everyone I come in contact with. Some of my predictions have been true, making the game more addictive. 

I WONDER WHAT THEY THINK MY BACKSTORY IS?!

ciao,

❤ Lo

Hey Snatches, Day 28

HEY!

I don’t think I’ve ever used the word “snatch” until now.

I’m not even really sure what it’s supposed to mean.

Anyways, Day 28! Blerg Challenge.

I like the spectrum of these questions. We jumped from what kind of food I like, to the deep underbelly in which my psyche dwells.

That being said, today’s question: What are you looking forward to?

That’s a pretty big question because I’m looking forward to sucking back an iced coffee tomorrow morning, but I’m also looking forward to havin’ some babies some day, maybe, I guess? (Probably not? K bye).

I think the most current exciting thing I’m looking forward to is taking more sketch writing classes. Second City has an awesome online writing program for peoples who can’t get out to Chicago. I took all the classes they had for online writing last year and have been staring at my computer screen until they added more classes. SO YAY!

I also got a new phone because ol’ reliable told me to shut up and go to hell. On the upside, now I can make videos for you to giggle or throw up at.

Anyhoo, I’m gonna go smear some chocolate into my mouth.

Until next time, my little gingerspread clams!

Probably Not the Right Question

Hey kids!

DAY 27!

The question (that might not really be the right question but just go with it) is:

What’s your favorite recipe?

I don’t cook too much for myself because I end up eating all the ingredients before mashing them together.

BUT I am a master at the English muffin pizza.

***

Ingredients:

English muffins

Pasta sauce

Mozzarelle cheese

Love

***

The love is very important.

Now, you may think that this recipe needs no explanation, but let me tell you, the first step is critical.

Always slightly toast the English muffin first.

Trust me, if you don’t you’ll ruin everyone’s night including your own.

But yes, slightly toast, assemble sauce and cheese however you want, toast again to crisp perfection.

And there you have it! A meal sure to impress any suitor or potential lover.

I just made my own, so cheers.

Until next time, my meat sauce extravaganzas!

Disregarding the Question Entirely and Showing You Pictures of Stuff I Like

Hey fartsniffers!

It’s Day 25 of the Blog Challenge that I’ve managed to stretch out over the course of 4 months.

I’m going to continue my lax attitude by ignoring this question all together.

The question was “What are your 5 favorite blogs?

I don’t  read blogs too much, but when I need to laugh, there are 5 comics I like to go to.

1) Owl Turd Comix

Below is one of my favorite comics from Owl Turd. The facial expressions kill me.

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2) Gunshow by KC Green

I don’t think needs an explanation.

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3) Calm Blue Oceans

These usually have a life lesson with a little twist to them. Two of my favorites:Image

annnnd

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4) Three Word Phrase

Another one that doesn’t need any explanation.

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AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST.

5) Natalie Dee

One of the first things on the internet that I identified with. That’s saying something.

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Yay!

Well time to go watch a heart-wrenching movie and pour ice cream down my throat.

Until next time my little satchmo toot-toot-dee-doots.

Dream Job

Hey my little Pikachus!

It’s Day 23 of the Blog Challenge.

The question: What is your dream job?

I don’t know that I necessarily have a dream job, as I do a dream career.

If you can dream it, you can do it. Right kids?

Anyhoo, I’d like the be a professional stand-up comedian. I also want to write for comedy shows, whether being Late Night, or a sitcom, or a sketch show, or a movie. I’d also like to publish a collection of personal essays I have.

I don’t think I understand how a person functions without comedy. It’s all I really want to do and mostly what I think about. I’m also a freak.

Well, I really want ice cream, so I’m going to cut this short.

ALSO. This is my 125th blog post.  I think that may be some sort of milestone. *throws glitter in your eyes*

Until next time, my darling crab rangoons!

Post of Me Talking about Oreos, Stuff Gets Sad at One Point, but Then it Gets Better

I’m going to power through these last few blog challenge questions, as I’ve neglected them the past few weeks due to my busy schedule.*

(*Eating Oreos).

SEW. A difficult time in my life?

Buzzkill Belinda here will tell you ALL about it.

One of the more difficult times in my life was the 6 month span when both my grandmother and my dad died.

WAIT DON’T X-OUT YET!

Sure, it’s sad, but the whole experience has propelled me forward into a new person. Kind of like Freaky Friday but with myself. (Sounds hot, right?)

I was living life like a robot would in robot world doing robot things with my robot  brain and my robot  heart.

I never really thought for myself, or did anything that interested me. I didn’t speak up for myself and I didn’t pursue my own interests.

Even when it came time to apply to college, I thought surely I would die before having to make any major life choices! Because what do I matter?

Cue me sobbing in my bathrobe the day before Common Apps were due. I hadn’t looked at colleges. I had no idea what I was even interested in for a major.

I ended up at a college that was close to home so I could flee away from it on weekends and sob in my mother’s arms. I kept saying I would transfer once I found a college that would nurture the path I wanted to take.

That path didn’t come into focus until about 2 after I graduated. It’s still blurry, but at least my iPhone compass seems to be pointing me in a direction that isn’t straight to Hell.

I moved home and stayed there with my cats and my parents and my bed and my XBox and my bathroom with a doorlock.

The following year Nana and Dad died. After little sleep, living in hospitals, and eating all the food out of the hospice  kitchen, everything stops and you have to go back to reality. You’re left with the feeling of “now what?”

Me and Oprah did some soul searching,  and like a phoenix I flew around and brushed my feathers, threw glitter in people’s eyes, and made some rock music. Well, not really. I just decided I needed to pursue comedy because it’s been the only thing I’ve constantly gone back to whether for pleasure or for healing pain.

Without all that crud going on, I wouldn’t be the spaceship shoe-wearing, X-File loving, Nutcracker puppeteer you’ve come to sort-of like today! If you noticed my tattoo in the pictures I’ve posted in the past, I have a yellow rose on my wrist-my Nana’s favorite flower :B

Anyhoodles, until next time my little squeegee boards!

Dying

Hi kids!

I think I’m dying.

Not really but I’ve been super tired so it feels a lot like dying.

I did my showcase! 

I think I did really well, but I’ll make a nice big separate post with pictures and stuff!

But I still need to get through this friggen Blog Challenge.

DAY 19!

What do you collect?

Aside from a jar of hearts?

I don’t try to collect anything, but I think my shoes are quite the collection. 

As you’ve seen my platforms and my space shoes, and in my next post you’ll see the shoes I wore for my comedy showcase. 

Oh, I guess I collect anything every to do with the X-Files in the history of earth.

Teehee.

**

I think it’s my nappy-bye time. 

Until next time my little codfish smugglers!

 

Proud Moments

Day 17! Blerg Cherhlerng.

What is my proudest moment?

Well, it certainly wasn’t last night.

I went to an open mic and bombed the fuck out of my set.

That’s okay though, I wanted to cry right after, but I woke up this morning not really affected by it.

I have no idea if I’m supposed to use “affected” or “effected” in that sentence. Help?

***

Anyways, my proudest moment!

I think it would be the time I gave David Sedaris a piece of my shit writing.

He probably gets that kind of thing all the time, but for me, I’ve always avoided doing things outside my comfort zone.

This has definitely been a year of breaking that whole pattern and it’s been great.

 

I think the other proudest moment hasn’t happened yet. That would be…

…my Showcase coming up on Monday!

 

I’ve been at the comedy school for over 2 months and all the work we’ve been doing is going to be presented at the Student Showcase!

I’m already proud that I started taking steps to doing more of what I love, which is stand up and comedy. Regardless of the negative feedback I may get (and with comedy-holy shit can the feedback be harsh) I’ve been powering through.

It might seem obvious to the rest of the world that following your dreams should be on the list of things to due while you’re alive, but it wasn’t on mine for a loooong time.

So yay for strides!

Well, it’s suppy time. Until next time my little gingerbread hens!

DAY 13! Blog Challenge.

Hi my sweet little mangoes.

Did you think I would abandon my dedication to this blog challenge?

You did? Me too…oh well! Here’s number 13.

My earliest memory.

I remember lying in a crib during a house party. I was probably 1-2 years old. That’s about it. *sets off fireworks*

Other than that I remember playing with our Fisher Price Little People Parking Garage while listening to “We are the Champions” on repeat. That and Alvin and the Chipmunks covers of Tom Jones songs.

Seems fitting as to how I turned out now.

***

In other news, I’ve been riding on a rainbow wave of comedy lately.

I went to my first open mic. I didn’t perform but I stayed to observe. Not as scary as I thought it was. Even the people who didn’t get laughs were treated well. No pitchforks or torches.

Brian Regan is coming to a venue nearby so maybe I’ll get to meet him. WHO KNOWS. When I got to meet Bill Burr I slobbered all over myself and gushed about all the things he doesn’t care about. But it was a fun experience. I don’t know why I think I don’t get starstruck. Me not sure if thart sketence waz kurect?

Oh well.

Until next time, my thunder babies!