Why The Pizza Diet Really Works

Hey kids!

Like pizza? Yes? Then I have some great news for you.

There is one diet that you can be sure will have a profound effect on your body : THE PIZZA DIET.

200Breakfast, lunch and dinner. Pizza is there to nourish your body. I have compiled a list of the top 5 benefits of the pizza diet, JUST FOR YOU.

1) GREASE! Grease is GREAT for cleaning your body out. Eat a piece of greasy pizza before you eat a hamburger and that baby will slide clean through. Your colon will be VERY happy.

2) CHEESE, YAY! The wonders of dairy. It makes your bones super strong. SO strong that you can lift the pizza truck up and toss it into the river when all the pizza is gone.

3) MMM Sauce OR NO SAUCE. Pizzas these days don’t even NEED sauce to be pizzas. You can just dump your dairy dream cheese on some bread and pop it in the oven for I don’t know how the fuck long and then BOOM, PIZZA PARTY!

4) Oh yeah, PIZZA PARTY! I’ve never lost more weight and gained more muscle than when at a pizza party. Your calf muscles will be jacked from jumping up and down with joy. You’ll also be waving your hands high in the air, trying to flag down the pizza guy or gal. Those trapz are going to be so tight you won’t even be able to lift your arms up ever again.

5) Can’t Lift Your Arms Ever Again. If you properly pizza partied, then you won’t be able to move your arms EVER AGAIN! Although that means no more pizza (sad) that also means you can’t lift anything else to your face and you’ll die from malnutrition. The upside? You’ll look great and the last thing you’ll have eaten was pizza! There is clearly no downside!

aaaaaaWELL, there you have it. I gotta go, my doorbell is ringing, I wonder who it could be.

Do you have a super great diet like the one above? How do you nurture a healthy lifestyle like the aforementioned? Tell me in the comments!

BYE I LOVE YOU KISS YOU PIZZA GOODNIGHT FOR ME.

Story Bored

Hi, my friends.

Like many writers, artists, monkeys, and other creative people, I get really irritated when I’m not producing anything. I have 47,000 ideas going on at once and there’s just too many chips in the cabinet for me relax and sit down to focus on one. Or twenty. OR ANY.

Thank God for the instructions of NaNoWriMo. I’ve always edited as I go which made my 5th grade book reports a real bitch in the Lo Kirby household. Half way through my stunning argument on why Charlotte from Charlotte’s Web was my favorite character I’d think, Wait…Is Charlotte kind of an asshole to Wilbur? I don’t agree with her methods at all! Do I really hate Charlotte? Oh my god, I HATE CHARLOTTE. 

It’s a curse. It also inhibits me from working on essay and letting it breathe before I start tearing it apart and eventually giving up on it altogether. I have a list published on McSweeney’s and that took nearly two years to achieve and I worked on it steadily. I wonder where 47 word documents with 3-10 sentences in each with the intention of becoming a story will get me? Hmm.

I CAN’T HELP IF I GET BORED AFTER 30 SECONDS OF WRITING BECAUSE THERE’S CHEESE IN MY FRIDGE AND I HAVE TO GO TO WHERE THE CHEESE IS BECAUSE CHEESE IS NOT BORING.

SO, I started a new process. I have a giant coloring pad that I have deemed my “Story Board” (harharhar, elbow jab, wink wink, hehe, hoohoo). Every single story idea that flashed for 2 seconds in my mind goes on the board. No wonder I was stressed out. After 10 minutes I had about 30+ stories written down. These are ideas that have been floating around for months or years. Now that the idea is down I don’t have to worry about texting it to myself 12 times over the year when I remember it while walking around Walmart or honking down a burger at McDonald’s. It’s there and now I can pick one and focus on it.

We’ll see how the focusing goes.

Okay, I love you, you smell great, here’s my number, don’t forget to feed the dog, tell the babysitter to stop stealing the K-Cups. GOODNIGHT!

A Very Winkel Wednesday

A Very Winkel Wednesday

It’s that time of the week again!

Winkel Wednesday!

Go check out all the silly things Mr. Winkel is doing in his down time.

http://mrwinkel.tumblr.com/