Timeline of My Life…I Mean Day.

Blog Challenge! Day 15!

1) Woke up.

2) Checked horoscope. (Sad, I know).

3) Stood up and walked wearily around my room trying to figure out who and where I was.

4) Showered, beautified, sat in front of A/C.

5) Got in car and drove a bunch to get to my stand-up class.

6) Laughed, performed, laughed, and laughed.

7) Left and went to CVS and got REALLY uncomfortable over a guy yelling about the price of his 20 oz. soda. If they charged $300 for Coke, it’d be worth it PAL.

8) Got in my car and drove a bunch of hours back to my house where I immediately sat and watched the X-Files and ate dinner and waited for ice cream. 

9) Typed this blog post while waiting for ice cream.

10) Still waiting for ice cream. 

And that’s pretty much where I’m at right now, from 7AM to 7:15PM.

Thrilling, right?

***

In other news, I did get to see Brian Regan last night! It was hot as fuck but it was a good show. Didn’t get to meet him after, but we locked eyes at one point and that to me says that we are now BFF’s and we’re going on tour together. Hooray!

Well, I must be getting back to my Mulder now.

Until next time, my little Chicken Diddles!

Blog Challenge Day …6 or something?

My Five Senses. RIGHT NOW.

I don’t really find the significance in this one.

1) Smell: I can smell my cat’s litter box. She has diabetes and a UTI. 😀

2) Sight: I’m staring at my computer because 8 hours of staring at it during work wasn’t satisfying enough.

3) Sound: This actually excites me. I’m listening to David Sedaris on Marc Maron’s WTFPodcast. We all know how much I love David Sedaris. If you don’t know what I’m talking about —>HERE! CLICK ME!<—

4) Taste: Maybe I should brush my teeth.

5) Touch: My keyboard. Click click click.

Din-Eye-Sores.

I’ve been listening to a lot of Moby lately and doing tribal dances around my office, yet I still haven’t been able to come up with a good topic for today. I was working on a joke, but I haven’t figured out how to cram it into 140 characters, so let’s talk.

I see nothing wrong with wanting to make yourself more physically attractive, as long as you’re not hurting yourself or cutting someone else’s face off their skull and putting it on yours.  I mean, unless you do it in a way that wins you an Academy Award, then who am I to say.  But J. Christ, there are colored contacts out there that are making fine young people look like  mutant demons that extract souls for nourishment. Granted, there are some LOVELY shades out there, but if Pinterest has taught me anything (aside from how to weave a basket out of dolphin hairs, with my feet, for the baby’s room) it’s that this is a growing trend that we might not be able to stop until we all have freaky Coraline button eyes. With every makeup tutorial I search, more and more of these raptor eyes are staring out from underneath 4-inch horsehair eyelashes. There’s something in those jagged, pea-sized pupils unfazed by the light of the iPhone flash, that is so stark and emotionless, that I felt the need to warn all of you.