Attempting Normal

Hooray!

Marc Maron’s new book, “Attempting Normal” comes out today.

I pre-ordered mine in hopes to get the signed poster that was being offered. I sent my e-mail requesting one last week but didn’t get a response (to confirm or deny) being able to get one. My neurosis and paranoia set in, so I figured I’d e-mail them today. I was panicking that they would hate me for my pestering persistence.

I tried to make the e-mail sound polite and professional as possible, but I accidentally left the subject as “FWD: YOUR BARNES AND NOBLE ORDER HAS SHIPPED.”

Shit. They might think it’s spam. But I’m not spam! Just a girl who wants a poster. Why do you think I bought the complete Rocko’s Modern Life DVD set? Free poster. Why do you think I sign up for road races and never run them. Free t-shirts. Any event I ever went to in college regardless of what it was in support of? Free. Friggen. T-SHIRTS.

LIVE FREE OR DIE NAKED/POSTERLESS.

I think there are still some posters left or if you just like reading printed words on dead trees, go here: http://www.wtfpod.com/dispatches/entries/pre_order_attempting_normal

I don’t know how to get links to say a phrase and not just say the whole link, so ignore my quackery*.

In other news, I left my granola bar on my desk and a sunbeam warmed it up so the yogurt part of it tasted like warm frosting. Normally, warm yogurt would make me want to throw up out my ass, but this was really good.

I also recently found out my favorite place to get coffee doesn’t sell strawberry or vanilla frosted doughnuts. I also recently found out I am not confident when writing the word “doughnut.” I figured I can at least get the strawberry ones around Valentine’s Day or maybe ever Breast Cancer Awareness month. I can’t really think of a holiday that would warrant vanilla frosted doughnuts.

Okay, my little circus freaks, until next time!

*I’m not entirely sure that’s a word, but WordPress isn’t telling me I’m wrong so I MUST be right.

I Hope I Don’t Steal That Genie’s Notebook

I’ve said it before, but I feel the need to preface this post with, I don’t roll around in granola, chanting mantras, and making tea from the dung of a pack mule.

BUT I am very interested in the idea of following coincidence and synchronicity. I don’t know too much about it, but I know enough to recognize that a lot of kooky stuff has happened  to me and the more you notice coincidences, the more they will pop up.

WELL FRIENDS, today I was farting around on my library’s website, and since their website is worth farting on, I went to the Barnes and Noble website to search through books on synchronicity and bleeblahblarf. I typed in “synchronicity” and the only book that popped up was “Synchronicity: The Art of Coincidence, Choice, and Unlocking Your Mind.” Oh perfect! Just wanted I wanted!

Huh, the author’s name is Dr. Kirby Surprise.

My middle name is Kirby…

Surprise! 

What a coincidence that I was looking up a book on coincidences and that was the name of the author. Innerestin’ right?

I keep a journal (well, 4, since I have a compulsion when buying notebooks) of all the weird coincidences that pop up for me. The phrase “you’re wish is my command” pops up a lot, as does the number 68. This, which goes without saying, obviously means I’m going to meet a genie and he’s going to grant me 68 wishes but only if I don’t steal all his notebooks. You have to set barriers, you know.

I’m going to read through the book within the next couple days and report back if anything more unusual pops up, like maybe the author is really my twin that got separated from me that one time at that KMart and grants wishes!

Until next time, kids.