The Beauty Within

Here is a photo portrait of me being gorgeous.

Santa sure can pick 'em.

Santa sure can pick ’em.

Here’s a close-up just for you.

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You’re a Big Yatch

Oh, my dear little bloggerinos. How are you?

I just got back from NEW YORK CITY the other day and I’ve been laying around ever since. I walked 10 miles in one day in my big combat boots so now I don’t have feet anymore. Buuuuut I DO have a rash on my eyelids! I bought Nana Creme (Gold Bond) and have been smearing it across my eyes. I somehow did not expect it to burn. I imagine it’s what putting peppermint toothpaste on your eyelids would feel like. Très great.

In other news, I swapped cars with my mom so now I’m driving the yacht, or as the layperson would call it, “a Subaru.” I also just spelt yacht “y-a-t-c-h.” YATCH. Sounds like an insult or some kind of vaginal infection.

It’s fun blowing out the speakers on a car that isn’t yours. I listened to Miley Cyrus’ “Bottom of the Ocean” about 50 times. After the 4th or 5th time I forgot I was singing it and would zone in and out and start wondering if I was singing that whole time. After the 15th or 20th time I started messing up the words because it all starts to blend together. WHICH PART OF THE SONG AM I AT? WHAT SONG IS THIS? SHOULD I BE OPERATING A MOTOR VEHICLE?

Anyways, I bought another Oprah magazine ANNND I forgot I get Oprah Radio so I’m ready to let the healing begin. I’m also ready to let the sweepstakes entries pile up. LET ME WIN, BABY JEESUHZ! Or just let me win baby Jesus! I’ll brush his hair and feed him hay. Cuz that’s what babies like.

Okay my little key lime pie crusts, GOODNIGHT! I LOVE YOU! TELL GRANDPA YOU LOVE HOW HOT HIS FEET GET IN HIS LOAFERS!

I’m an Asshole

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What the Hell Does LoloKirby Mean?

Blog Challenge- Day 18!

What is the meaning behind my blog name, you ask?

Well friends, the gist of it is that I’m a crazy person with an identity crisis.

It may come as a shock to you, but my first name is Lauren. (Take a breath, it’s bombshell I know, but we’ll get through this).

But yes, it’s true! Only again, crazy lady, I don’t really respond to it. I realized that no one really says my name. Even I don’t say my name. I’m called a variety of nicknames, the most popular being “Lolo,” which has now evolved into “Loli” (low-lee) to some. It’s the only nickname that resembles “Lauren” so I figured it’d take it for a spin around the WordPress block. Toot toot.

As for the Kirby part, it’s my middle name! I think it was my paternal grandmother’s maiden name. A lot of men in the family have it. I don’t know of the other girls. I wonder what the hell that’s all about.

Now I’m going to have to consult the family tree and talk to my ancestral mystics about that.

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In other news, tomorrow is my showcase!

Shouldn’t you be studying your lines?

Yes.

Then why aren’t you?

BECAUSE I’M BLOGGING AND EATING ICE CREAM, JESUS. GET OFF MY BACK, MAN.

Fine, I didn’t want a piggy back ride anyways.

See what I did there?

No?

Alright fine.

Time to go study lines so I don’t suck really bad tomorrow! I’ll post the shoes I’ll be wearing. You don’t want to miss these puppies.

Until next time, my little toaster strudels!