Songs I am Currently Obsessed Week (4/11)

Not surprising that I still listen to songs one million times in a row for weeks at a time. Very few are new too, so this list is extra special because I have one that was not written and recorded between 1993-1995! Here we go! Links are in the title of each song.

 

Hassle Magnet – Hallelujah the Hills

This is my new go-to song for driving when I want to stare out my window and be moody and pretend I’m a movie’s anti-hero that is about to put their foot through the front door of my arch nemesis who has just wronged me.

La Sonadora – Enya

Every time I hear this song I want to sit down in the middle of room and shut all the lights off and burn sage and astral project into another lifetime, thank you.

One Caress – Depeche Mode

I’ve listened to this song every day for the past two weeks. I plan on listening to it for 400 more consecutive weeks. I also would like to wear black lipstick and draw really dark and incredibly arched eyebrows on myself and twirl around in a black hooded cloak.

Hooray! What year are you perpetually stuck in? Any songs you’ve been singing lately? TELL ME. k love you.

 

 

“Yes And” Your Way to a Promotion*†!

Boss got you down with his latest fribble-frabble nonsense boss talk?

“You’ve been 20 minutes late every day to work but still put down your overtime when you work 5 minutes passed close.”

*ZOOM * YES AND?

Your boss will be so taken back by your leadership skills, he’ll blankly stare at you (obviously impressed) and never doubt your superiority again!

Kooky coworker questioning your choice to hang up on a client with no valid reason other than they were boring the fuck out of you?

*KAPOW* YES AND, KOOKY SUZY FROM ACCOUNTING?!

If Suzy gets cute and tries to follow up with “…and it’s incredibly inappropriate and not tolerated here” simply place your hand over Suzy’s scrunchy little face and give a gentle love push. Just enough to show YOUR authority but just little enough so she doesn’t call THE authorities. If done correctly, she’ll be overcome with how bold and charming you are and she’ll be totally cool about it.

Tired of a hard mornings work and you’re trying to enjoy a nice sandwich in the breakroom when Tony from HR tries to kill your vibes? “But you’re eating my sandwich—“

*DINGDONG! WHO IS IT?* YES AND, DIRT LICKER, THAT’S WHO!

Don’t mistakeTony’s horrified look for weakness. He’s a snake and snakes can only be killed by shoving sandwiches down their throats. Survival 101. You’re welcome.

*The author of this list cannot be held accountable for any jobs terminated from following the aforementioned instructions. Author must receive 10% of any promotion money earned if acquired.

†Not the be confused with the building block phrase “yes and” that nurtures a healthy and constructive improvisation environment.

Like these tips and want more? Check out our full list of tips from the hot book “Yes And” Your Way to a Promotion, now featured on Amazon Prime!

This Week: Songs I Listen to Compulsively, Episode 1

Every week or so I listen to a handful of the same songs over and over again. New, old, all genres.

This week’s picks are:

 

1) Cherish the Day– Sade

2) Anything Could Happen – Ellie Goulding

3) Play – David Banner

4) TIE! Come and Get It – Selena Gomez vs. Out of My League – Fitz and the Tantrums

5) ) Escape – Enrique Iglesias

 

 

HOKAY! We all know that I love all 7 minutes and 20 seconds of Sade’s No Ordinary Love BUT I’ve been listening to THIS compulsively. Click on the name for a pop-up window of the video.

CHERISH THE DAY – Sade

Rate of listening:  Once a day.

Why:  That guitar makes my insides feel like they are going to fall out and hunk will have to stuff them back in.

 

And then we have…

ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN – Ellie Goulding

Rate of listening: Four or more times a day.

Why: It’s catchy as frick. The piano part is punchy. I don’t listen to her other songs but I would brush this one’s butthole hair if it asked me.

 

Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

PLAY- David Banner 

Rate of listening: Twice a day.

Why: It makes me feel terribly uncomfortable, yet I still think it’s one of the funniest songs (intentionally or not) to ever be written.

 

COME AND GET IT – Selena Gomez  and OUT OF MY LEAGUE – Fitz and the Tantrums

Rate of listening: Varies between two and three.

Why: Both songs have been out for over a year and I’m just now listening to them. Come and Get It is pretty sexy and Out of My League is just a jaunty tune to swing your arms to.

 

AND DRUMROLL!

Escape- Enrique Iglesias

Rate of Listening: Three to five times a day.

Why: I forgot about this song until I heard it on the radio last week. I spent money adding this song to my collection. I NEED IT. Have you heard those high notes? It makes me clap my hands and stomp one foot in such a way that I move in a circle when I do. Movie magic.

 

Thus concludes Songs I Listen to Compulsively. Join me next week for a whole new batch of mediocre songs I don’t stop playing until I hate them forever. 🙂

 

BYE.

❤ Lo

 

 

 

Radio Silence or Something Like That. Also Big News.

Hey kids!

The blog had to take a hiatus for a while because my laptop started a rebellion and only wanted me to look at its artwork. It’s really into using blocky, abstract pixels and is currently going through what looks like a yellow phase. I’m guessing it’ll be looking into getting some gallery shows soon.

Also the washing machine started to do some performance art and midway through a cycle released it’s watery-underbelly onto my basement floor. It was reminiscent of “Poseidon Adventure” but it’s still a beginner and beginner’s have to work through that weird beginner-y phase for a while. I believe in it though.

In BIGGER news, I’m finally getting a piece published on McSweeney’s!

I’ll post all the information when it goes live in a couple weeks.

This is a big deal for me as I’ve never had anything professionally published before AND it’s fricken McSweeney’s.

One of my teachers through the Second City said that the average amount of tries it takes to get on their “Lists” page is about 5. It took me upwards of 30, so don’t worry. If I can do it, SO CAN YOU! *shoots confetti cannon*

This also means I have at least SOMETHING in my writer’s portfolio that is validated.

Speaking of jorbs and stuff, I’ve been diligently looking for new work. I’ve applied to everything from mail clerk to phone sex operator. I’ll keep you posted on any new hits, but I think my phone sex operator career isn’t going to take off the way I thought it was. Someday.

Until then, BYE

Lolo von Finallypublishedsomethingthatisntterriblebergsteingirlman

Are You Addicted to Netflix?

A rejected liihiihiihiiiisssst. That’s me singing the word list. Was it pretty?

 

ARE YOU ADDICTED TO NETFLIX?: Tell Tale Signs

You spend at least 2 hours a day watching your new favorite show! (Who’s last episode aired in 2008).

You don’t answer when your friends try to reach you, but you love hearing The King of the Hill theme song play every time they do.

The Freaks and Geeks opening credits releases so many endorphins. 

You don’t even understand how you lived before Firefly.

You’ve contemplated formal essays expressing outrage of only one season of Bob’s Burgers, and worse, only two of Louie.

God, that Fox Mulder is sexy.

Perks of Living on Cape Cod: A (Rejected) List

BEHOLD! Another rejected list submission.

Perks of Living on Cape Cod

Your diamond bracelets second as napkin rings for your surprise picnics on the beach!

 

You know ALL of the Kennedy cousins, and are close friends with Shecky, Harpo, and Twanda Kennedy.

Those Madras Bermuda shorts look great on the golf course. And that seagull golf club cover? You are too much!

A belt to match every set of loafers with little whales, little crabs, and adorable little sailboats. I am in Heaven!

“Try Again”

I would’ve rejected this list too.

 

More Confessions from Lance Armstrong

His name isn’t Lance.

He uses invisible training wheels.

He’s never been to France.

He smells.

He has crappy bracelets.

He’s never ridden with Look no-hands, Ma!!!

He has a big dumb face.

He was never a member of  *NSYNC.

Louis Armstrong isn’t his grandfather.

He doesn’t believe in handle bar streamers and motorcycle noises.

He doesn’t let his kids ride Huffy’s.

He’s never ridden a bike.

Matthew McConaughey  ate his removed testicle to retain infinite youth and beauty.