LAST CALL! (Don’t make me beg.)

Hi Zuchinni puffs,

I’m turning to you. 

THIS SATURDAY I am signed up to walk in Boston’s Avon 39 Walk to End Breast Cancer. I have to raise $1800 to participate. I’m currently at $1609.

I NEED YOUR HELP! I’m less than $200 away from my goal and I have ONE DAY.

If you have a credit card and you can part with $5 (minimum requirement for donating for some reason) or more, I will smooch your face and write you a poem. Every single dollar counts, especially now. 

SO! If you see this and you think it’s weird to donate to someone you don’t know, well HEY it’s weird to ask strangers for money so you can walk 39 miles.  AND YOU CAN REMAIN ANONYMOUS IF YOU SO CHOSE! 

Clicky the linky belowy for my Avon donation page.

Lauren’s Donation Page!

Clicky the linky abovey, Avon calling, just kidding it’s me.

And if you’re reading this and you’re thinking “eh, she’ll get it in time, my donation won’t matter” WELL SIR OR MADAM, that is not true! I have been at a stand still for the last few days. Don’t engage in bystander effect! I could be dead in the road by now! 

Hehe. Also thank you to everyone on here who has donated. It’s so much appreciated! Smooch smooch smooch.

If you have any questions, please comment and I will kiss you and answer you and kiss you again. 


Help Me!

Hi Friends!

LOOK WHAT I DID! I signed up to walk for the AVON 39- The Walk to End Breast Cancer! LOOK AT THIS FANCY LOGO!


Pretty, huh? To actually be able to participate in this 2-day, 39.3 mile walk, I need to raise $1,800. Now, I haven’t fundraised for anything since Jump Rope for Heart in 3rd grade, so I need your help! Even if you can contribute just $5, it would be a HUGE help to me. I want to tribute my walk in honor of family members that have both lost and beat their battle with various cancers. If you donate, and I raise enough money to participate, I’ll be happy to write anyone’s name (of your choosing) on my shirt. I’ll post my super grungy pictures right here for you to seer your eyes out with!


The sooner I reach my goal, the sooner I’ll stop hounding you, my darlings.



Everyone is Angry Over Everything

Hey chicken wings, how are you feeling?

I have some thoughts today.

Normally, I have no thoughts and just lay underneath my desk and drool. Today is a little different.

There’s some hubbub surrounding a satirical op-ed article written by Larry David, referencing the Boston Marathon bombings. A lot of people are getting angry over it, saying it just wasn’t funny and “too soon.”

I would compose a big, eloquent essay on my support of it, but that’s not my style. It’s why I got a 2 on the AP English exam 300 years ago.

I’m not saying it was the best move, but I still like the article itself. Would it have done better maybe a year or two from now? I think it would. I understand where the hurt and outrage is coming from, but as someone who grew up as a fat little kid, staring at the TV for hours on end watching stand-up and sitcoms,  I think that Larry David was just show how absurd the situation is. I don’t think it was an attempt to make little of the situation.

I related to it and thought it was pretty funny. Comedy is subjective, and that can make it seem insensitive to some people.

There won’t be a right answer, either way. Read it!

What do you think? Can you remove yourself from the emotions caused by the bombings and see the article alone, or  is it something you cannot separate (or should it even be)?

It’s different for everyone.

Those are my thoughts of the day. Underneath the desk I go.

Until next time, fart nuggets!

Take My Shirt

I don’t like doing mushy goo-goo posts, but I can’t ignore this.

I live in Massachusetts, and have many family and friends that live in Boston. You can imagine the lump in my throat when I read the headlines at work. My brother, my cousins, my friends, my brother’s friends, my friend’s friends, their families–any one of them could have been there. I don’t take that lightly.

I debated about writing something on the explosions because I don’t want to give attention to the person or people responsible. I do want to give attention and praise for the good people who were there, who went running towards the chaos instead of away. I can’t say that I would do the same. I run away when someone throws up. I hide when someone even begins to talk about a toenail that got ripped off a few summers ago. Surprising for a person who talks about violent diarrhea so much.

I am so thankful for doctors, nurses, police officers, fire rescue teams, emergency responders, and good-willed people in general. Sometimes I feel like a piece of shit troglodyte because I can’t contribute so powerfully in a life or death situation. I do my best to try to make people laugh, to feel better, and to get them step back and realize there is humor in nearly everything. All the hard work that people do for me and for strangers everyday, does not go unappreciated.

If you couldn’t gather, I believe in the power of positivity no matter what. I know, I know, granola girl is standing on her earth-friendly soapbox again, but bear with me. Even in tragedy I want to make you smile, even if it’s just for one smidgen of a second that you feel good, it makes me feel better. The world feeds off positivity, no matter what you believe in.

It’s like Monsters, Inc. Laughter and positivity are more powerful than fear and negativity. Instead of praying that someone doesn’t die, pray that they live. Instead of praying for tragedy to end, pray that harmony begins. I know I sound like a crackpot (or a crackhead) but I think it makes a difference. Would you believe me if I said I really don’t own anything with peace signs on it?.

I am so deeply sorry for anyone suffering right now. I hope and pray that a lot of miraculous healing goes on for the people physically afflicted. My thoughts and prayers are with families and friends of anyone who was hurt or who separated from their loved ones. Boston has some of the best hospitals, so I know everyone is getting taken care of. Boston also has some of the best people, I’m sure if you need help or just need to talk, anyone will tear the Red Sox shirt off their back for you.

I don’t mean to make light of anything. Humor is a coping mechanism, and a damn good one.

Thoughts and prayers to all.

Until we meet again, my sweet chicken tenderloins.