5 Year Anniversary

Yesterday was my 5 year WordPress anniversary! Remember when I spent like two years of that time submitting to McSweeney’s every day and posting all the rejected lists on here? Yeah, me too, and I’m considering erasing those stink bombs off the internet in case I become famous and someone sees I’m a fraud monster.

I think I was supposed to win a raffle last night because the guy called (my) number 196427 but he said 196457. No one had that number, and there were not a lot of people in the crowd, and we were some of the last people in the theatre… but if he was a dyslexic bebo like me he could’ve read the 2 as a 5. He was also using a dull flashlight to read the tickets. But I guess if he didn’t read it correctly and gave it to  someone else after he moved onto the next ticket then maybe I wasn’t supposed to win. I could’ve fallen off the swan boat and died. I should’ve mentioned earlier it was a ticket for swan boat rides. I want to ride a swan.

Anyways, in celebration of having a blog that I don’t regularly update, here is a song I’ve shared on here multiple times. I always seem to forget about it until it comes on every couple of months.  I’ve never let it play just once through by itself, I’ve always played it at least three times in a row. I realized maybe because it has kind of a unique song structure? There’s no real chorus or anything but I like Willow Smith’s lyrics because she’s a weird baby like me. Sparkle sparkle.

Okay please listen, bye! 143 xox

Downtown Lights

I finally renewed my website. Look at me go.

In between running up my data by playing Disney Emoji Blitz and getting my sixth wisdom tooth removed, I’ve been listening to Spotify’s Discover Weekly. It suggested this song and it’s all I care about now aside from the ice cream that’s still in my freezer.

The version I have is about seven minutes long but I guess you’ll just have to suffer knowing you’re only getting four minutes, wondering forever what the other three missing minutes contained. Well, I’ll tell you, it’s some guy hitting buttons on a synthesizer to make more swirly sounds and some sentence fragments vocalized by Paul Buchanan – or at least I think it is- the music video is so damn dark that honestly that could be anyone. You’ll need a stapler to keep all the lyrics together because it’s like eight pages long. Enjoy.

xo 143 bye

Songs I Listen to Compulsively (9/18)

Heeeeeey friends!

I’m getting ready to take a choo-choo to Colorado so I’ve been curating my playlist for my railway adventures. My iPhone has reached its two year mark which means the battery drains if I even LOOK AT IT.  To avoid any extra clicking and searching in Spotify during my riiiiiIiiIiide, I’ve been adding songs like a loony tune. Naturally, I’ve added some songs I’ve listened to a bafillion times this week so, You know the drill, links are in the titles.


Chances Are  – Johnny Mathis  I had loooooong ignored this song but the other day I was standing at the kitchen sink,staring out the window, and it came out and it was soo loooovely. It’s one of those songs you hear in the background 400,000 times in your life you already know the words and because it seeps into you0r unconscious mind. Well at least I thought it was until I found out I only know  the part that says”chances are” but HAHA it’s in my range so I just sang a bunch of garbage words and it was pretty okay. There apparently is also a movie with Robert Downey Jr. that features the song but I have not seen  it yet but maybe it doesn’t even exist at all, who knows? Also I probably ignored this song for so long because his song “Wonderful, Wonderful” was featured in the XFiles episode “Home” and if you have any idea what I’m talking about then you know, fuck that song.

I’ve Finally Found Someone – Barbara Streisand and Bryan Adams

Apparently there is also a movie that goes along with this song which I haven’t seen but Jeff Bridges is in it so it must be great. Also I have never seen Google be more consistent with their answers than this (picture below). I completely forgot about this song until I found a mix CD I made in 8th grade had this as it’s closer. Heavy stuff for a fourteen year old. Every time this song comes on my Spotify I have to play it 3+ times, 1) to sing his part, 2) to sing her part, 3) to sing a mix of both of their parts, and maybe another few times just because this is AMERICA. Why, even just now I listened to it four times while writing this paragraph for it. Hooray!




Thinkin Bout You – Frank Ocean  Yeah, I am waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy late on this train but after some recent enlightenment I am very on board. This was his most played song on Spotify (to which I’m sure you are all saying “yeah we know”) so I gave it a little peeksiesqueaksiedoodledoo and then I just never stopped singing it. Especially the SNL performance that I linked above that has John Mayer on guitar (???) and lots of video games. Anyways, I have arrived and I am sorry I was so late. He crunched my heart up when he was featured on Beyonce’s Superpower which you should watch because zooeymama it’s good. But hey I just realized my shorts are inside out. Nothing to do with this and no segue but it’s just how it is.


alrighhhhttty.. I hope you all are having a lovely weekend and that all your dreams come true. I love you, bye xox smooch smooch 143 xo

Songs I Listen to Compulsively (8/28)

Hello! I’ve been laying in my bed for 18hours, let’s take a look at what I’ve listening to 48,000 times.

Dedicated To The One I Love – The Mamas & The Papas

I love this video so much I could crap gold and sell it to countryfolk. The mismatched lipsyncing, the expressive hand gestures, the fucking hat, ALL OF IT. Plus, the song is delightful and sad and exciting. A recipe for the perfect song which the end game is to make me feel every emotional

Real Love – Beach House

Whew boy. This is one of those songs I image myself dying to, but in a movie scene way where I look pale but still darling because all my inner beauty is pouring out through my face like a sunbeam ready to blind your family. For me, this is one of those songs that makes my heart hurt in both a sad and appreciative way. I have never gotten through this song without at least one little tear working its way out.

I Finally Found Someone – Barbara Streisand & Bryan Adams

Yeah, I don’t know either. I heard it on the radio the other day for the first time in probably 10 years. Perfect timing because I went through my room at my mom’s house and found a mix cd I made with this song as it’s closer. Heavy stuff for a preteen who used to go home and watch Garfield & Friends.

Sara – Stevie Nicks (Live)

I didn’t give this song enough credit in the past, goddamit. I keep hearing this version of it and every time I’m like “I didn’t give this song enough credit in the past, goddamit.” So here I am, giving it credit because I’m the authority on that kind of thing now? Yeesh.

Okay! There we have it. Songs n’ Bongs. Or something.

Goodnight! 143 xo smooch

Songs I Listen to Compulsively (6/3)

Hi BingBongs,

Links in the titles, here’s the music I’ve been bothering my coworkers with this week.

Until the Last Moment – Yanni – It’s probably no fricken secret that I like “new age” music but did you know my family has an unbreakable obsession with Yanni? It’s true, I assure you! When Yanni: Live at the Acropolis aired almost 20 years ago, my family watched every airing at full volume, bought the CD set, and taped over the VHS of my Christening to record it. Most people might be real cheesed off but clearly they have not listened to this aural perfection. The link even has young hunky Yanni smiling like an angel as he plays God’s music. All hail Yanni.

Shadow Dancing – Andy Gibb – I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I can’t stop.

Something In The Air – Thunderclap Newman – RIP Andy “Thunderclap” Newman. This song rules and if you don’t think so then you can just go kiss a hedgehog and tell me how it is because they’re pretty cute.


And now for Songs That Are Compulsively Listening to Me, the winner is Frankie Valli’s “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You”  for making some sort of  appearance EVERY DAY in my life for the past two weeks. I don’t know what’s happening but I think it wants me to be its new mom. It’s also one of those songs that make me simultaneously delighted and depressed so I don’t know what the universe is trying to tell me, except maybe I should take up a Jersey accent and make it my edge.

Alright children, it’s time to for me to get an underwhelming amount of sleep. Just know that  I debated putting a Dave Matthews song on here but solely for the bass line and I want you to know this because we have no secrets. Please love me.

Okay bye143smooch

Songs I Listen to Compulsively 5/11 Edition!

Jon & Robin and The In Crowd- Do It Again a Little Bit Slower – What, is this the cutest song in the world? IT MUST BE because it kind of sounds the Monkees and the Brady Bunch wanted to do Cool Jerk/Georgy Girl mashup in the style of Nancy Sinatra and boy, does it work. I heard this song on the radio last week and the carousel sound of the word “slower” at the end of the song has been on a continuous loop in my head.  It’s kind of sad sounding and I want to kiss all my stuffed animals to it.

Taylor Swift – You Are In LoveI largely ignored this song when it came out on the 1989 deluxe album and typically don’t “connect” with Taylor Swift songs but Jesus Christ I listened to this song 8 times today. Her a lot of her songs are unavailable on YouTube due to copyright but I put the iTunes link so you can preview it and hate it then a year later hear it in your car when you’re 20 minutes late to work and realize it’s the greatest song you’ve ever heard about being in love even though you haven’t been in love for some years. It’s a real thrill ride.

Rush – Spirit of the Radio – Speaking of 1989, here’s a link to a live version to Spirit of the Radio. Geddy Lee has a voice of an angel who was formerly an alien prince and also in this video he looks like a nice 90s business-mom. Also, if you haven’t seen Freaks and Geeks, or haven’t seen it in a while, this  video warms my heart.

Okay, I’m tired because I haven’t listened to any of these songs within the past ten minutes and I’m starting to get antsy. I LOVE YOU smooch 143xo.

Songs I am Currently Obsessed Week (4/11)

Not surprising that I still listen to songs one million times in a row for weeks at a time. Very few are new too, so this list is extra special because I have one that was not written and recorded between 1993-1995! Here we go! Links are in the title of each song.


Hassle Magnet – Hallelujah the Hills

This is my new go-to song for driving when I want to stare out my window and be moody and pretend I’m a movie’s anti-hero that is about to put their foot through the front door of my arch nemesis who has just wronged me.

La Sonadora – Enya

Every time I hear this song I want to sit down in the middle of room and shut all the lights off and burn sage and astral project into another lifetime, thank you.

One Caress – Depeche Mode

I’ve listened to this song every day for the past two weeks. I plan on listening to it for 400 more consecutive weeks. I also would like to wear black lipstick and draw really dark and incredibly arched eyebrows on myself and twirl around in a black hooded cloak.

Hooray! What year are you perpetually stuck in? Any songs you’ve been singing lately? TELL ME. k love you.



Well, this is a mess of words and thoughts.

I was driving home the other day and thinking about a musician I had met recently. I’ve been following her music for nearly a decade and will always take the opportunity to gush about how great I think she is. Having this moment to finally meet her meant I might not be able to look and listen to her music the same way as before. The curtain would be lifted and whether or not I liked what I saw could change a very significant and emotional part of my life and memories.

After her concert, I saw a little crowd form near the exit. I immediately stopped walking and realized she was out there greeting friends and fans. I’ve seen her a couple of times before and had never got the chance to meet her, so naturally, I began sweating and getting hives and preparing my awe-inspiring speech I would yell in her direction while making too intense eye contact. I recall another time I was meeting a “hero” of mine and of this caliber, so I was excited and worried.

A Side Note: A topic I’ve always written notes about but haven’t formed into a full essay or post is that I think it’s crap how we’re constantly told to wear our passions on our sleeves and be supportive of one another, but when we actually do that, it’s almost off-putting. If I like something you’re doing, whether it be your music, art, poetry, or comedy, I will not hesitate to share it everywhere and talk about it with you or with someone who I think will like it too. For this, I get the feeling that I give off an intrusive energy. Why do I get self-conscious if I “Like” all your posts on your Facebook wall?  Who gives a fuck, you’re funny or you have great music, what does a “Like” constitute in reality? If I like your band but I don’t know you too well, I’m still going to share the shit out of your music. Maybe it’s not even a reflection of me but more so the creator of the work has both and unconscious fear of success and an unconscious fear of failure. I know that I have both, the second someone compliments me I revert to imposter syndrome. Yet, if I do well,  then I start self-sabotaging saying well, “if I succeed at this, will I be able to follow-up with something even better or will I be a one-hit wonder?” Combined with my online presence, I get the feeling my audience (mostly friends and acquaintances) have a hard time separating my jokes and written personality from the real me. Those jokes are certainly an extension of me, as a very heightened version of myself, but for god’s sake if you think I can eat as many burritos as I say I do and as often, then I would’ve been dead 4 months ago. I digress.

Back to being excited and worried about meeting a living-hero of mine. The advice “don’t meet your heroes” is meant to capture and maintain a spark and sense of wonderment about something or someone you care for. Maintaining that thrill and mystery. But I’m starting to think that’s shitty. When you meet someone you admire and they turn out to suck, doesn’t that make you think “well, this shitty person made something that is great…maybe a good person like me can make something just as great or even better.” Same thing works for if your hero turns out to be everything you wished and more. Now you get to see this human with your naked eye and shake their real-life hand and demystify the fact that they might be different from you. You are then inspired by their ambition and perseverance to create something, perhaps even to honor them. Those are all pretty good scenarios either way.

So I met her. I got to tell her about the first time I saw her music and it’s importance to me. Someone might say it’s cliché but that person clearly did not read the paragraph about me seen above. She was different from the image I had held of her and I appreciate that I know that’s not a bad thing. It was sobering to see she was someone who gave all of herself over to composing and performing. She didn’t have laser beam eyes nor have a light emanating off her body with a 4 ft range.  I immediately started separating her from me again, as if we didn’t live on the same planet at the same time, with the same opportunities. It was refreshing to have to remind myself that everything I admire and appreciate in one form of another is attainable. Also, that if it weren’t for the family, friends, and fans who speak up and express what they like openly then we wouldn’t have all these nice things and people that we do. Tehe.

What a jumble of rants here, eh?

Tell me all your thoughts please, thanks bye.


Songs That Make Me Feel Feelings and Think About Life and Stuff

Hey kids,

Remember when I used to post songs I was listening to compulsively or the week?

Yeah, me neither. It’s been so long and I’m probably still listening to the same songs.

BUT let’s dive right in because I want to listen to all these songs again as soon as possible. Links are in the titles.

Let’s go!


           Fantasia will show us the way!

First Up!

What: “Teenage Talk”- St. Vincent– First heard at the end of a Girls episode (like most songs I become obsessed with, obviously).  Why: I can sing in Annie Clark’s range! Hooray! But also because the song is the perfectly bittersweet. Listen to it if you want to be nostalgic about your teen years and the friends you had then. What Else: “How do you see me now, now that I’m a little bit older?” If you’re picturing me sobbing in my car, staring at the increasingly visible laugh lines around my eyes in the rearview mirror, then you are right!



What: World Spins Madly On – The Weepies. Heard them in college and nearly shit my pants when I found out they were from Cambridge, MA. Deb Talan and Steve Tannen’s love story is one worth looking up if you have ever lost faith in romance. Why: Aside from the adorable monster music video, I think their harmonies are the greatest in the world next to Simon and Garfunkel’s. Is that a stretch? I don’t care. What Else: “I woke up and wished that I was dead.” Amiright?


Third,Third,Third. Third’s the Word.

What: M83- Wait. This may sound familiar to many, as it was the song that made you want to die during the movie version of The Fault in Our Stars. Why: If you have ears and a heart, this should be a giveaway. Do you have a face and eyes that you can stare longingly out the window with when you listen to this song? Good. Be as melodramatic as possible. What Else: Are you staring wistfully out a train window yet?


Borth, Fourth, Borth! (Sounds Sort of Like the Swedish Chef?)

What: Style- Taylor Swift. Yeah, I know but I did NOT appreciate this song when it first came out. Also, I don’t listen to the radio a lot so it has not been ruined for me. Hehe. Why: The intro guitar is catchy as frick, What Else: This song makes me incredibly sad, but the kind of sad I might be addictive to inflicting upon myself. “I said I’ve been there too a few times.” GET HIM, TAYLOR.



What: The Drugs Don’t Work- The Verve. One night I was looking up “saddest songs” and this came up. Want to be depressed and contemplate your own mortality? Then this is the song for you, my friend! Why: I like contemplating my own mortality. What Else: Dark and sadness. That’s pretty much all I have for this song.


            Recent picture of me crying.


Now that we have enjoyed all the sad feelings, let’s draw the WILD CARD which is a song that makes me feel like I’m going to jump out of my skin because it riles me the fuck up.

What: It’s the End of the World As We Know It -R.E.M. Sounds like it wouldn’t be a joyous song but it’s so darn upbeat I can’t help but tear my shirt off and run around the room when it comes on. Why: Michael Stipe talking fast. Yay! What Else: “You symbiotic, patriotic, slam but neck, right? Right.”



That’s it. Those are my feelings. And to think it only took be about two hours to articulate them with the help of some very lovely gifs. Do you have any songs you compulsively listen to for no reason? I need to know, please tell me.