My Beloved Sega Genesis and Me


Santa Claus came! Although it was 60+ degrees out, I still enjoyed Christmas all the same. Work finally slowed down and I got to go home to my mom’s house and scratch all my kitty’s fluff.

I got a Sega Genesis console thing that has a buttload of games already loaded in it BUT it is also compatible with all the original cartridges as well. This is nearly unheard of now so I was TRES excited. I tore about my mom’s house and found out games which I had apparently stashed under my bed incase I needed them STAT, which come to find out many years later, I DID!

The rest of my weekend was spent on and off between Making a Murderer and getting super pissed at Aladdin and also Lion King for Sega. I can definitely pinpoint where my hoard/lack mentality came from, which is essentially a subcategory of FOMO. Many Sega Genesis games cannot be saved. It’s just you and the game the moment you press “On.” There are  no checkpoints or auto-save. Once you die, you are DEAD. That goes for whether you are on level 4 or 48. It’s heartbreaking. I’m surprised we didn’t over heat our play room when we were little because we would pause the game then shut the TV screen off as to not cause any suspicions from the parents (which they would soon figure out after their electric bill as triple the usual amount after we’d leave the game on for days straight).  We did what had to be done…and at least we built some commitment ethics.

I got a lot of shit for barricading myself in the basement but you can’t expect to give me a golden ticket to happiness and not expect me to use  it immediately.

Also, as I’m sure you’d heard already…GO WATCH MAKING A MURDERER ON NETFLIX. I watched all 10 episodes in under 48 hours. IF you start, I’m sure you’ll end up doing the same. The corruption, the lies, the accents…all outstanding.

Anyways, I’m in my bed and I have my neck and head propped up at a sharp 90degree angle so time to go.

BYEBYE I LOVE YOU! Don’t forget to bathe in MilkDuds 143.

Money for Me, Money for You

Hey LipSmackerz,

I swear that one day soon, I am going to win the Walgreens Care sweepstakes. 

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, I urge you to look at the bottom of your Walgreens receipt. That little sequence of numbers is my ticket to some fast cash. If you don’t live near a Walgreens, it’s a Duane Reade or CVS. At the bottom of EVERY receipt, there is a survey to win $3,000. Let me tell you, my odds of winning are through the goddamn roof. I am WAITING for my ship to come in. And it will. 

I know I’m being aggressive but you would too if you’ve been entering the same contest 3+ times a month for about 2 years.

What is something you do that is kinda weird?

I watch a lot of Barbie: Life in the DreamHouse on Netflix because it’s grear.

Okay tell me more!



I finally finished Six Feet Under and now I’m depressed.

I don’t know where to go from here. I finished the X-Files, Twin Peaks, The Sopranos, and now I’m just sitting here just me and my acid reflux gurgling at the blank TV screen. I started the L Word but I think I accidentally ruined the series for myself by, you know, being on the internet. WAH. I’ve watched a few True Detective episodes but they fricken mumble everything so I have to watch it on full volume with the closed captioning on. I’m also caught up on the Walking Dead.

If you have any suggestions for my next big adventure, please LET ME KNOW.

In other news, I got a pH strip put under my tongue and it nearly disintegrated in my mouth. With a diet of coffee and onion bagels, I can’t imagine why. I’m told if I eat more “vegetables” than it would even out. I might just eat more pH strips and see what happens.

In other, other news, I finally got into my alma maters literary journal. I think it might have been a pity publish but I’ll take it. I’ll link it once it comes out officially. You could totally buy a hard copy too and have it as a treasure forever and think about me and kiss it and stroke its spine.

Okay, I’m tired, I’ve been sitting in the same spot for 4 hours.


Club Dread / 50 Things

This week in Lauren is Having an Unprovoked Dilemma, I have been waking up with an utter sense of dread and despair. Is it because I realized that I have wasted time not loving One Direction until I saw their New Years Eve performance? I DUNNO, but it’s there and near palpable when sitting in the same room as me. Some other culprits could be withdrawal of chocolate because I haven’t had my usual 20lbs OR it could be expectation hangover from watching a series of celebrity documentaries.

To ease the discomfort, I’m currently watching Notting Hill, eating my fourth snack (croutons), and remembering that I haven’t done laundry in 3 weeks. To ease any future discomforts, I bought an emergency stash of How to Train Your Dragon macaroni and cheese. I bought a backup box of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle ones just in case.

To balance the physical healing with some emotional healing, I’ve taken the advice of a great abundance teacher ( and have listed 50 things I accomplished in 2014. I’ll share some of my favorite on the list.


  1. Left two jobs I hated.
  2. Joined a job I love.
  3. Got a second tattoo with one of my best friends.
  4. Saw the Rockets at Radio City Musical Hall in NYC on opening weekend.
  5. Went to California (and Coachella) for the first time. Also rented a shit car and got to drive around Palm Springs with my friends.
  6. Saw OutKast perform B.O.B. live.
  7. Finished The X-Files and Twin Peaks. Started Six Feet Under.
  8. Got published for the first time (on McSweeney’s!).
  9. Went to Colorado for the first time and sat on a stuffed jackelope.
  10. Got a first edition, signed copy of Lena Dunham’s “Not That Kind of Girl” and got to see Miranda Karr interview her live.
  11. Went to the Boston Music Awards and saw my brother’s band perform (and win awards!)
  12. Got to see Robyn in concert (and was overcome by my emotions and sobbed/laughed hysterically at the same time).
  13. Let go of a secret I had been keeping.
  14. Went to a male strip club for the first time and got the ones ripped out of my hands by those renegades.
  15. Had no shame and went as VIP to the Miley Cyrus Bangerz Tour.

HOORAY! Tell me all the cool things you did because this is the internet and we can do that!

Do you have any resolutions for 2015? Any regrets from 2014 (why would you, that’s a waste of time!)? TELL ME EVERYTHING!

Okay, have a lovely night and don’t forget to floss after every meal. xoxoxox

Real World Conversation

Write a post inspired by a real-world conversation. Day 12.

I could get snarky and write a conversation I’ve had about MTV’s The Real World. Or I could write a song review of Matchbox 20’s hit “Real World.” The truth is I don’t really remember any notable conversations as of late. The last conversation I had was me explaining to my roommate what happened in the two Arthur episodes I watched while I was on the treadmill today. It wasn’t even really a conversation as much as it was me just talking at her about how Arthur was being a real jerk to Sue Ellen over the yak hair sweater she received from her pen pal in the Himalayas. The changed the animation and a lot of the voices. And Arthur’s has become a real sassafras*. At first it seemed unbearable but after a few minutes the show picked up and it was pretty funny. It served as my tether to the treadmill. 


Moving away from my horrible attempt at the Writing 101 prompt, I’m excited to go home for the weekend. I miss my mom and my cats. I also miss eating real food. I’ve been making the same salad wrap every day for three weeks. It’s delicious but I’m very hungry. Now accepting donations to the Feed Lo Kirby Something Other Than 75 cent Chef Boyardi Beef Ravioli Although It’s Delicious but Very High in Sodium Fund. 

I’ve been interviewing a lot this week which is great because I just finished the second season of Orange is the New Black. Real divine intervention there. There’s only so much sitting on the couch and swatting away fruit flies one girl can do. I’m not sure of the origin of the fruit flies. They’re still an issue. More on that as it develops. 

Any plans for the 4th of July? People keep asking me but since moving I’ve been on a “one day at a time” schedule. Which pair of shorts (out of the two I own) will I wear today? I’m running low on toilet paper…should I hold it in? Should I have the salad wrap or the salad wrap? I think the flies are here because they saw the vacancy in my cupboards.

That’s changing soon though. Say prayers for me and stuff.

Ciao gigglebutts.

❤ Lo










(*I’m aware this is not what this word means. I like it anyways.)

Gravatar and Burning Hair

The more I fiddle around on WordPress, the more I realize I have no idea how to use it.

Same goes for Gravatar. Do we not live in an age where the photo you just updated should actually update? I need answers people. Immediate gratification. Which is why I watched 8 episodes of Game of Thrones today. 

Patience has never been in my wheelhouse. I’m looking up “wheelhouse”  right now because I’m not sure I’m even know what it means. I NEED TO KNOW NOW. Is it synonymous with “skill set?” To be continued. 

In disturbing news, I straightened my hair today (keep reading). As most hair-straightener-users know, that when you turn the temperature dial up to 450 degrees, your hair tends to smoke when the volcanic plates press your hair into submission. It’s something I’ve known since I was in 9th grade when I first starting burning my curls. In that 10 years, I’ve never experienced the travesty I did today. As my tresses were screaming for mercy under my godless rule, smoke billowed up (from the heat defender spray you have to douse your hair in so it doesn’t turn into a bail of hay) I turned my head towards my fire locks. A mouth breather by default when I’m by myself, I inhaled a puff of smoke. Very similar feeling of when you smoke for the first time. Burn, burn, hack, hack, hack, burn, hack. It was a sensation and taste I wish on no enemy. I have no enemies, but again, Game of Thrones. I’ve been talking to my cat in an English accent for the past couple days. Good thing she doesn’t know what “whore” means. 

In more disturbing news, I’m still looking for a job. Hire me to write the next big sitcom? Cool, cya there. 

Lots of love or something,

Lolo von Burntmyhairandateittoobergstein

Are You Addicted to Netflix?

A rejected liihiihiihiiiisssst. That’s me singing the word list. Was it pretty?



You spend at least 2 hours a day watching your new favorite show! (Who’s last episode aired in 2008).

You don’t answer when your friends try to reach you, but you love hearing The King of the Hill theme song play every time they do.

The Freaks and Geeks opening credits releases so many endorphins. 

You don’t even understand how you lived before Firefly.

You’ve contemplated formal essays expressing outrage of only one season of Bob’s Burgers, and worse, only two of Louie.

God, that Fox Mulder is sexy.