I’m an Asshole

Image

Dying

Hi kids!

I think I’m dying.

Not really but I’ve been super tired so it feels a lot like dying.

I did my showcase! 

I think I did really well, but I’ll make a nice big separate post with pictures and stuff!

But I still need to get through this friggen Blog Challenge.

DAY 19!

What do you collect?

Aside from a jar of hearts?

I don’t try to collect anything, but I think my shoes are quite the collection. 

As you’ve seen my platforms and my space shoes, and in my next post you’ll see the shoes I wore for my comedy showcase. 

Oh, I guess I collect anything every to do with the X-Files in the history of earth.

Teehee.

**

I think it’s my nappy-bye time. 

Until next time my little codfish smugglers!

 

What the Hell Does LoloKirby Mean?

Blog Challenge- Day 18!

What is the meaning behind my blog name, you ask?

Well friends, the gist of it is that I’m a crazy person with an identity crisis.

It may come as a shock to you, but my first name is Lauren. (Take a breath, it’s bombshell I know, but we’ll get through this).

But yes, it’s true! Only again, crazy lady, I don’t really respond to it. I realized that no one really says my name. Even I don’t say my name. I’m called a variety of nicknames, the most popular being “Lolo,” which has now evolved into “Loli” (low-lee) to some. It’s the only nickname that resembles “Lauren” so I figured it’d take it for a spin around the WordPress block. Toot toot.

As for the Kirby part, it’s my middle name! I think it was my paternal grandmother’s maiden name. A lot of men in the family have it. I don’t know of the other girls. I wonder what the hell that’s all about.

Now I’m going to have to consult the family tree and talk to my ancestral mystics about that.

**

In other news, tomorrow is my showcase!

Shouldn’t you be studying your lines?

Yes.

Then why aren’t you?

BECAUSE I’M BLOGGING AND EATING ICE CREAM, JESUS. GET OFF MY BACK, MAN.

Fine, I didn’t want a piggy back ride anyways.

See what I did there?

No?

Alright fine.

Time to go study lines so I don’t suck really bad tomorrow! I’ll post the shoes I’ll be wearing. You don’t want to miss these puppies.

Until next time, my little toaster strudels!

Day 7…blerg…

Blog Challenge! Day 7. 

Although, the amount of time I’ve taken to do this, I’m probably on day 46.

My “pet hates.”

Do you mean pet peeves? 

I don’t really hate anything. 

Except for olives.

Fuck olives.

Anyways, I don’t like when people step on the back of my flip flops because they are walking too close to me. 

It’s not that big of a deal.

But I think what annoys me more is when animals step on the back of my flip flops. 

This actually happened the other day, and I don’t think I’ve never been more enraged in my life. 

 

Okay, that’s it!

Blog Challenge: Day 1

Yay Inner-nets!

Finally found a spot where I can get internet to talk to you precious babies.

I wanted to do that blog challenge. So DAY ONE.

A recent photo and introduction.

I don’t take pictures of myself often, but I did take this one to show off my super great new shoes. I’ll attach a picture of them too.

I’ll give you the basics for an introduction. I’m a lady. I’m 23. I like to wear a lot of oddball things (like the shoes). One of my reasons for living is to watch the X-Files. I have a passion for stand-up comedy and would watch or do it every single day for forever.

I don’t want to give TOO much away in case I need to say something fun and interesting for a future blog challenge post.

Okay, time for Mulder and dinner.

Until next time my sweet pickle dicks!

ImageImage

My Toe is Hanging Off

Hey squeaples.

A couple months ago I got involved with a roller derby team.

Not romantically, but they were having some clinics for skaters to learn new tricks and skills.

I went, I fell on my ass, and I had an awesome time.

After a few hours on your skates, your feet can get pretty numb. If they are too tight or if they haven’t been broken in much they can feel like vice grips.

My feet felt pretty crappy a few days after, but I didn’t think anything about it.

After a couple weeks I couldn’t curl the toes on my left foot. Walking was unbearable. I even made a couple jokes about breaking my foot on Twitter.

It got to the point where I couldn’t wear my new high heels, which have Ring Pops all over it (the design, unfortunately, they aren’t covered in real Ring Pops.)

That being a major crisis, I ended up going to my chiropractor.

He had me lay on his Frankenstein table and tilted it all the way back so I was laying completely horizontal (like most tables).

After an “ahh” and a “mhm” and  some”ooh’s” he came forth with the news. “Your toe is dangling out of it’s socket.”

Hm. As I suspected but did nothing about.

He began strapping my leg to the table.

“Uh, What’s that? I don’t like what you’re doing, why are you doing that, WHAT ARE YO–”

But before he even told me, he was hovering over my foot and with all his weight behind it, snapped my toe back into it’s socket.

He unraveled the tape and pressed the button that made the table move to an upright, vertical position, in true Frankenstein form.  I had to jump off before it kept going 180 degrees and smash me into the carpet.

He wrapped my foot up in the same tape he had strapped my leg down. “Keep this one for a couple days, maybe a 4 to 5 days, maybe a couple weeks. And don’t get it wet.”

I took it off after 4 days. I got it wet.

But my toe is all better! It hurts a little, but now I can stomp around in my Ring Pop shoes.

Until next time, gurgle puss!