I Ate Recalled Food

It would certainly explain the face rash I’ve been blaming on spider bites.

I got an automated phone call from the grocery store the other day, saying the lettuce I bought was contaminated with a bacteria that has too many consonants smashed together to pronounce correctly. They didn’t say that verbatim but I could tell in that robot-demon’s electronic death voice, that that’s what she meant.

Lucky for me and my little knowledge of how things actually work, I eat a grotesque amount of yogurt. My point being is that those little invisible health soldiers that live in yogurt helped give me less diarrhea than normal and fight off whatever flesh eating disease I could have contracted. Or at least I haven’t noticed anything yet, I can’t really say I’ve look at my ass in a while. The face rash though, I just thought those spiders were suffering from famine and had to sacrifice dignity over necessity.

Blog Shell-Hands: DAY FOUR

Fourth day of the blog challenge.

I went to go see the B52’s and GoGo’s last night. 

I’ll write all about that when I have more time.

BUT Day Four: What are you afraid of?

On the surface I would say I’m afraid of sinkholes. Those pop up wherever the fuck they want. Could be right under your toilet.

I’m also afraid of not being able to save my cats. I have dreams that I’m trying to run away with them from something menacing like coyotes or tornadoes. 

One of my more deeper fears is not succeeding how I want to. I have ENORMOUS goals career wise, so when I lay in bed at night, in my Barbie pajamas, I wind up thinking about all the things I should be doing instead of sleeping.

What are you afraid of? Spiders? Monkeys? Spider Monkeys?

Until next time, my little bamboo shoots.

Ghosts and Things

Italo Calvino said: The more enlightened our houses are, the more their walls ooze ghosts. Describe the ghosts that live in this house: Image credit: “love Don’t live here anymore…” – © 2009 Robb North – made available under Attribution 2.0 Generic

I’ve never done one of these inspiration prompts, so pull up your bootstraps, Sally.

This ghost clearly has self-esteem issues. Do you see how tiny that house is? If it was a lego house it was be 3X5 blocks. It doesn’t even look like there is enough room for a bed. Sure, if the point is to scare people out,  but this isn’t even going to be a challenge. All he has to do is be like YO. GET DA FUQ OUT and people would be like “Oh my God! Look at how small this place is, it doesn’t even have central air!” (Runs away in horror).

Why doesn’t he move to an old abandoned manor with a lot of libraries in it and fireplaces he can start up? That would be spooky. He could vanish through walls and breeze by his victims but only enough that they see him in their peripheral. He can’t even play games like that in the little house. He just has to sit there on the floor waiting for someone to look in the doorway and see what a shit-hole it is that they’ll show themselves out. They won’t even see Barney Ghostman hanging out playing cats cradle with a spider web.

Lazy. It’s lazy ghostmanship.